Santa for a Senior

It should come as no surprise that I have a weakness for angel trees at Christmas.  If you combine senior citizens or dogs, I'm hopeless. I managed to restrain myself and only adopted one Senior. I felt a kinship with this woman because she wanted a plant and chocolate.  No sweat pants for her. I hope those wrapping the stuff appreciate the fact that I got her one plant. Hope they remember to water it before delivery.

And just as soon as I get off work, the pups and I are headed to see Santa.

Black Friday

This black Friday was a little different. When Dwight woke up on Thanksgiving around midnight, he rolled me into the car and we headed for Galveston. Home of dog friendly beaches. After ten hours in the car, the dogs finally get to chase seagulls and run in the sand. I did my shopping over the internet and listened to the birds cry and waves crash. Catching a full moon over the Gulf of Mexico was a pretty sight to see.

Thanks

It's Thanksgiving. Can't believe I haven't posted in November, but Momma always said if you can't say something nice don't say anything at all. It's not as if there aren't any blessings  in my life. I am incredibly blessed but November is hard. I wonder if it always will be.
I want to say thank you to my favorite blessings... My kids.
Chris is fighting some demons and sometimes he beats them and his love shows. Not everyone can show their love. It's so much more important than words. I pray he beats his demons in this epic battle we call life.
Beth is truly a wonderful woman. If she wasn't my daughter I would be proud to just call her my friend. Doubly blessed to call her both.
Heath is an amazing Daddy . I'm privileged to watch him in action. Also not ashamed to pray that more children have dad's that love them like Heath loves Xander.
Paul has such an adventurous spirit, I try to be like him. He has such a love for learning and life that he inspires me daily.
Speaking of inspiration,  reminds me of the baby. She's 26 now and adulting like a boss. Wish I had my stuff as together as she does .
Pretty amazing people that hold my heart and hope for the future. Thank you.

Snuggletime x 4

Our normal snuggle time is around 6:30 am. For some reason, the dogs need to relieve themselves at six. Every day. Sometimes this annoys me as I am not a morning person, but on cold days like today, it makes me laugh. They're out and back in a flash. When they come back, I grab an oversized cup of coffee and we go back to bed until a more respectable hour. I rub there bellies and sip my coffee.  Today Dixie didn't want to go back to her little one and he was howling so I brought him to bed with us. You know three dogs in a bed aren't enough. Dixie immediately went to the foot of the bed and went under the covers. She was sleeping so soundly you could feel her snoring. I  had to laugh. It's been almost thirty years but I remember that new mom exhaustion. Oscar and Harley cuddled up to me and Sampson had to sniff his dad from one end to the other. Oscar got a kiss and for once he was on the receiving end. Sampson wasn't howling and he wasn't looking for his mom which was good because she was dead to the world. No whimpering. No barking. No rough play. Before I knew it, Sampson was curled up next to me and that large coffee was gone way to fast.

Girl, be a Bitch

Girl, be a bitch. No that isn't a misprint. Be a bitch. I'm laughing considering how many times I've heard someone say don't be a bitch. Now before you cop an attitude or assume something nasty, let me tell you "Bitch" was originally meant as a term for a female dog. I've been watching my female dog a lot lately. She listens to her buddies playing outside. Howling at the moon, running around, and her favorite activity-chasing rabbits but she's happy right where she's at-in her basket with her baby. She won't leave her baby just to hop up and run around. Her whole world is in that basket. She watches him around the clock and their is no doubt she loves him with every ounce of her being. I'm not entirely sure she knew what she was getting into when she got pregnant, but that doesn't matter now.  She rarely leaves even to eat.
Males coming to visit? Oh hell no. No one will ever get near that baby without her permission. She'll take on someone twice her size, but he won't get near her precious baby. The father is allowed to look, but only from a distance.
What would happen if every baby was loved that way?
If women gave up activities that took them away from their young? If they guarded them with every ounce of their being? If they loved with all they had?
I know not every mom is perfect. I know that, but I also know that love makes up for a lot of imperfections.
So girl, just go be a bitch and love with all you got.

Birthing puppies

Dixie finally had her puppies. No amount of videos,  articles, books, or interviews prepared me. I know dogs have puppies for centuries , but they aren't mine and don't take up such a huge part of my heart. I love dogs, but Dixie is more than just a dog. She's family.  We went to the vet. Took her temperature,  and noticed she stopped eating and started panting. We rubbed her belly, took her for walks, and had numerous birthing baskets set up. She chose the laundry basket with nice, warm clean blankets and towels. She had contractions for a little more than an hour and then there he was. She opened the sac and cleaned him up and did everything she was supposed to do. The second one took longer and she wasn't breathing. We tried to get her to breathe and so did Dixie. She was cleaning and licking the puppy and we were rubbing her trying to get some kind of movement . We had to stop when another foot made an exit . This one took too long. He was much bigger than the other two and Dixie knew it was too late for him. At that point, I was terrified for Dixie. I don't know how she kept going. I was amazed at her composure.  Her knowledge of knowing what to do next. She's currently loving on her baby. She won't leave him for any reason. I don't blame her. He's pretty precious.

Going the distance

There's a song that has the lyrics "Going the distance" I can't remember much else of the song-not who sings it, or when, but I know it's got a good beat and I should look it up some time. I've had "the distance" on my mind a lot lately. Rocky 1 was on tv and even though he didn't beat Apollo Creed-he went the distance, further than any one else ever had.
And this ties into my life how?
Dixie
She's due any day. Today is actually her 63rd day. She's gone the distance. She's carried these pups full term. She's healthy and beautiful and she has a wonderfully comic pregnant waddle.
I know dogs have been having puppies for centuries. I know that 90% of the time there are no complications, but if I get any sleep tonight it will be medically induced.

Why I love Cherokee

There's a little Indian reservation in North Carolina  named Cherokee. It's got a small river running through it full of trout and people on tubes. The area is full of wild life.

Then the city has painted bears all throughout the town.

Eventually it got to dark to take pictures and we went to eat.

And this place has sweet tea, ribs, brisket, and biscuits that did the south proud.

Mingo Falls

One of our stops on our vacation was a waterfall. It's on an Indian reservation in Cherokee, North Carolina.  There are 170 steps up. The tourism video says 160, but I counted and there are 170. Really I don't think it matters once you go beyond 100. Then there is a nice, easy walk to the falls.
An amazing sight that pictures just can't capture.

He gets me

We're on vacation and most of the trip is scheduled around my father in law and planes which is really cool. I'm learning lots of scientific things and history on flying. Then, we checked into the motel near Kitty Hawk just a couple of feet from the beach on an evening with a full moon. My husband even woke me up early so we could watch the sun come up over the ocean.

I love that man. He gets me.

Blast from the past

Today I visited our Nation's capital.  The last visit was some 24 years ago. The Smithsonian still stands full of academic wonders. Even though I'm older, the Lincoln memorial still wows me. Once again the Washington Monument was under construction so I couldn't go up it.  The Vietnam Memorial still brings tears to my eyes.

Learning an adventure in gardening

Did you know that Sweet Potatoes have a flower?

It's purple and looks like this:

We planted ours in rocky soil and added lots of grass cuttings around them to keep down weeds down and the rain uncovered the first one. Not bad for the first one.

I should mention that Dwight started all of the plants from cuttings way back in January. 

The apple doesn't fall far from the tree

Tonight, I learned something about myself. I thought when my kids got older my feelings would change. Well, they have gotten older. I guess that means I have too and a lot of things and feelings have changed. I remember feeling hurt and sad when ever they did. Once upon a time, all it took was a kiss to make the boo boo go away. My kisses don't work the way they used too. I can't take the hurt away. Hell, I can't even think of the right words to say. I can't make things right and I can't take away the hurt. It doesn't matter that the child of mine is closer to thirty than three-I still feel the hurt too.
I remember my mom telling me that I would always hurt when my child did. It didn't dawn on me that she was telling me this when I was in my forties and going through a rough time. She was telling me that she was hurting too. I didn't understand then, but now I do.
I also know that she prayed. She prayed ALOT.
I'm not ashamed to admit I hit my knees and prayed more than I have in a long time. Right now, the wound is still fresh but I know things will get better. I know they will.
Chris, Beth, Jody, Paul, Heath, and Lauren if any of you read this remind the others-I love you more than I will ever be able to tell you.

Not just a rose

This isn't just a rose. My step mom made a cutting from my great grandmother's plant. I don't know how long it took to make the cutting grow, but I'm glad Karon took the time to grow it for me. I've had it for over a year. I usually kill roses, never intentionally but it happens.
I love the way it looks. I had wanted it next to a wagon wheel, but my father in law gave me a wheel from his first car.

Fruits of labor

I haven't blogged as much as I would have liked this Summer. Early morning usually finds me watering or picking weeds in the garden.

We have jalapeno , bell, and roasting peppers.

 My husband put up coral panels for my gourds.

This year we planted butternut squash for the first time.

 Of course, no garden is complete without tomatoes:

 There's some sugar baby watermelons too.

 Hard to believe the one above started out just this small.

 And here you can see I really need to be out there weeding again, but it's a little too warm and the bees are busy with anything blooming.

Seester time

This weekend found me just a little bit out of Dallas in Grapevine, Tx with my sisters. We met at the Gaylord Inn and did what sisters do. We talked almost nonstop. We laughed. Drank a little.  Took pictures. Laughed some more. Ate, swam, and shopped and made memories. 

Being loved

Josh Billings is attributed with writing " A dog is the only creature on earth that loves you more than he loves himself."
For some people, I can see reason to doubt this-I mean the dog doesn't actually talk.But you have to listen closely, and open your eyes.
This weekend, I got into a kayak for the first time. I was very wobbly and it took me a little while to get used to it. I was in the pond at our house and paddled the length of the pond over and over-trying to get used to it. Oscar followed me close by-as long as I was close to the shore he ran right beside me watching intently. I got a little more sure of myself and ventured to the middle of the pond about the time the wind picked up. Apparently this looked a little too dangerous to Oscar, he jumped in and swam the length of the pond in deep water to get to me. This is no small feet for something that has legs a maximum of six inches long. He had to be tired from running back and forth already, but that didn't stop him. He wanted to make sure I was alright, and he didn't let anything stop him. He was in deep water, swimming against the wind. I don't think he even thought about his own safety.
Some times he tests my patience when he wants a bite of every single thing I eat and when he refuses to pee in the rain. And when he farts after eating pickles. The way he steals my pillow at night.
But the love in his eyes, his snuggles, and his ability to give a kiss when it's most needed-it's worth it all.

Doing it right... the Brotherhood

Wow, I can't believe how fast June is speeding by. Just a week ago today, I made my way to Little Rock to celebrate my youngest's graduation from Nursing School in the LPN program. There was a gathering of family and friends. At one point, my ex-husband said a few words and announced it was time to "pin" Lauren. He called all of the nurses up to take part in this "pinning." I might not have used the words that he used or his approach, but calling all of them up to take part was a stroke of genius. As they pinned their daughter, stepdaughter, sister and niece they all had a special look in their eyes. That look was one of love, pride, and acceptance into a brotherhood. Their unspoken words seem to say "You're one of us now". They knew how much hard work it took to earn that pin. They had taken part in the late night study groups and the early morning cram sessions. They did the clinicals and labs. You could see the acceptance into that brotherhood. I know the rest of us were very proud of her too even if we weren't part of that brotherhood of Nurses.
I'll never be part of that group. I don't have what it takes and that's ok. I'll never be a gymnast, a football player, a model, or a butterfly. Again, I don't have what it takes and I'm ok with that, I'll just watch my little one fly. I know she will.
So proud of you my baby girl.

Remembering Mother's Day

First of all, Happy Mother's Day. I've been remembering Mother's Day that have long past. One year my son Paul gave me this huge fold out card. It's pretty corny, but he added his own sweet words and I take out this card and read it every year. I've been known to take it out and read it when I miss him too. Beth and Jody gave me a music box that plays "Wind beneath my wings" and when I got that box I desperately needed to hear those words. Long before that,  Lauren gave me a ring box that plays "Amazing Grace. " She was little more than a toddler and had no idea how much significance that song would play in my life. Then,  there's some of their art work from grade school. I love to see their childish signatures-some of their writing really didn't improve with time. Then, I get even deeper lost in thought and I go back to when I was a girl. We'd always go to church on Mother's Day. We went to a church that gave out roses every year on that day. It didn't matter if you were a "Mom" or not-if you were female you got a rose. Red if your mom was alive and white if she had passed on. Even as a young girl, I knew those white roses were special and gorgeous. Some time during the service, the pastor would have all the Moms stand and we would applaud. I remember shoving one of my siblings out of the way, so I could squeeze Mom's hand and looking at my red rose. It was beautiful and I loved it and I loved having her hand to squeeze. Now I'm much older. I get to wear one of those gorgeous white roses, but if truth be told, I'd much rather wear the red.
Missing her always, but especially today.

Happy Mother's Day from the dog

You feed me when I'm hungry.
You keep water in my dish.
You let me sleep on anything or any place I wish..
You sometimes let me lick your hands or even lick your face
Despite the fact I've licked myself in every private place.
You taught me to come when called, you taught me to sit.
You always let me outside, so I can take a shit.
You'll always have my loyalty, up to the bitter end.
'Cause after all, it's plain to see you're my best friend.

First Weekend of May Steel Horse Rally

Every year, the first weekend of May brings the Steel Horse Rally in Fort Smith.
This year we went and encountered our first traffic jam in Nail, Ar.

four years ago

I say the words four years ago to remind myself that it really has been four years since my mom went away. It seems like much, much longer since I've heard her voice, her laughter. Felt her arms around me.
I know the word I should use is died. She died four years ago.
But she's not really dead.
I feel her in the kitchen with me when I make jam. She's right behind me reminding me to double check the lids. I know Beth has her in the kitchen with her when she's cooking for a party. I see her love for cards in Robyn and her love for roses in Caitlyn. Paul and Connor have her love for the beach. When I hear Lauren talk about one of her elderly patients, I'm reminded of all the visits that Mom made to the nursing home.
I see Lee with her patience being tested to the limit with her two young boys and I bet Mom has hers tested as well. We were all surprised to live beyond our teens.
I think she lives on in each of us and I know we carry her in hearts, but today just really sucks.

Blue Bonnets 2018

This weekend we ventured to Texas and saw a couple of bluebonnets before we both got sick.

Come on Spring you can do it

Hard to believe it's the middle of April and we have freeze warnings for tonight.
There are signs of Spring.

Liquid Pinterest Project aka Cinnamon Roll

This weekend's pinterest project is pretty easy. Mix cream soda and Fireball and you have a liquid Cinnamon Roll. Will update you on the final product.

Verdict....really good.

Speech for class..tough assignment

My employer has sent me to Dale Carnegie class and tonight I will complete class eleven. It's more than a class on speeches. You learn different techniques for dealing with stress, relations, and how to work with others and of course how to speak publicly.
Our assignment tonight is to make a speech that involves emotion-any emotion-happiness, sadness, anger, joy. It doesn't matter as long as the speech is between 2 and 3 minutes long and has a point(advice) and benefit (what happens when you take advice).
It's our next to last class and our teacher wants us out of our comfort zone. She wanted us to pick a difficult topic.
If I spoke about something that makes me happy or full of pride, I know I'd blow the time limit. Sometimes, it's just hard for me to shut up especially when I'm bragging on my family. So I chose something that I don't like to talk about. I've practice over and over and not once have I exceeded the time limit; however, I have lost my shit.
So, here's hoping I can keep my crap together for a whole one hundred and eight seconds. Sounds doable, but I've never been accused of being overly stable.

Wednesday May 7, 2014
It was a beautiful sunny morning and I was driving home after working 11 pm until 7 am. I was utterly exhausted and in an attempt to keep myself I awake, I reached for my cell phone and called my mom. She answered and we talked about our family, her chickens, my strawberries, and the upcoming Mother's Day weekend which was just 4 short days away. Before I knew it, I had reached the Buffalo River where I typically lose cell phone coverage. I told her: Mom I'm fixin' to lose cell phone service. I love you and I'll see you this week end.". She told me she loved me too and the phone went dead. A couple of minutes later, I'm pulling in the drive way. As I stumble out of the car, I grabbed the mail on the way in. In the mail was a Mother's Day card from my mom. It made me smile. First of all, it's a Mother's Day card from my mom-and secondly, we just had a 30 minute conversation and she never mentioned it. It was very sweet. I put it on my nightstand and I remember thinking I'll call her and thank her as soon as I wake up. I fell instantly asleep. A couple of hours later, my husband was shaking me awake and muttering something about bad news. I sat up and asked what happened.
My stepdad had come home from work and found mom dead. She was gone. I've beat myself up a million times for not calling to tell her thanks for the card. Maybe she would have told me she felt sick or in pain. Maybe we could have gotten medical help. I'll never know. However, I do know the last words she heard me say were I love you. I'll see you this weekend.
My advice to you is to say the words I love you to those important to you every chance you get. You'll never know when it's your last chance to say them  and you'll feel so much better knowing that you did.

No Pinnacle Mountain

I didn't go to Pinnacle Mountain this Easter. Probably the first time I didn't go in a long while. My sister joked we should only go if the weather was really crappy. It was. Cold,foggy, and rainy most of the day. The kind of day that Mom would have insisted that we go to out to Pinnacle Mountain for an Easter picnic. We'd gripe and grumble and she'd tell us we were going anyway and we would have a good time or else. 
Just thinking about it made me smile, so many times we did that and I'd love to do it again just to gripe instead of feeling this dull ache that comes when I miss her so much. I have to remind myself that it's been almost four years and it shouldn't hurt so much. But, it does and I talk myself into getting some kind of help and life happens-and I don't get the help I think I need. Then, another day will sneak up on me and boom-that ache will be back in full force all over again. I know it's just a price you pay for loving someone. 
I didn't go to Pinnacle, but I think I was where I was supposed to be-where I was needed. I cooked and cooked. Strawberry cake, peanut butter treats, rice krispy treats, ham, chicken, gravy, yeast rolls, potato salad, mashed potatoes, yeast rolls, corn, green beans, brocolli salad, deviled eggs and gravy. Four of the five made it over during the day-and it was fun to watch them visit. It was great to laugh and make more memories. Dwight fed the dogs way to much ham. Beth likes brocolli salad. Jody cannot ever get enough peanut butter treats. Paul loves ham and deviled eggs.  Heath and Lauren love Harley. Lauren has a problem understanding no cascarone eggs in the house.  

Day is gone to the dogs

Sung by Allan Jackson felt by me

Happy Birthday Lauren

Today you turn 26. I had you ten days before my 28th birthday, but I can't remember when you weren't there for me. It's been quite the trip to watch you grow into the woman you have become. Very seldom do you see someone with as much love and passion as you possess. I always knew you would do wonderful things and each year just proves me right. I hope your birthday is a good one and I wish I could be with you in person. Know that you are in my heart always and that I'm very proud of you.

Weenie Walk

This past weekend, the husband and grandson accompanied me on a Weenie Walk to benefit a young girl currently at St. Jude's.

This is Laney in her blue hat:

And this is the Grand Marshal Moses. He pulled a cart full of Laney and her friends.

Don't know this little guy's name, but he was excited to be at the walk.

And here's my precious Princess Dixie in her pink finery:

There were a lot of doggies making friends:

Harley made a friend or two(this little long hair was eleven years old).

Here's another pretty girl in pink:

Here's Harley making another friend:

And another pretty girl in pink:

But not all the dogs at the walk were dachshunds:

But it was a pretty day.

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