I say the words four years ago to remind myself that it really has been four years since my mom went away. It seems like much, much longer since I've heard her voice, her laughter. Felt her arms around me.
I know the word I should use is died. She died four years ago.
But she's not really dead.
I feel her in the kitchen with me when I make jam. She's right behind me reminding me to double check the lids. I know Beth has her in the kitchen with her when she's cooking for a party. I see her love for cards in Robyn and her love for roses in Caitlyn. Paul and Connor have her love for the beach. When I hear Lauren talk about one of her elderly patients, I'm reminded of all the visits that Mom made to the nursing home.
I see Lee with her patience being tested to the limit with her two young boys and I bet Mom has hers tested as well. We were all surprised to live beyond our teens.
I think she lives on in each of us and I know we carry her in hearts, but today just really sucks.
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