I went to put flowers on Mom's grave and to talk a while. I can't help it. I know it's been five years, but I miss her voice, her hugs, and laughter. To be honest, I still need her advice and guidance. The love your mom gives you is like no other. So, I try to make a deal with God. If he'll give me just fifteen more minutes with her, he can sell my soul to the devil. I'm not sure how much room there is in heaven so maybe he'll take me up on the offer. So far, he hasn't.
You know what's weirder than me trying to make this deal? What happens after. In some way or fashion, I will get blessed for no reason. Sometimes I find a twenty in my purse or something that I've been looking for months. If it's not me, it's someone really close. One of my kids will get a raise or an amazing new job or even the perfect house. All of these things are blessings I can't expect, I can't explain, but I think Mom is behind them. Logic doesn't play into my thinking.
I wish I never would have let Dixie have pups. Then, I wouldn't have to say good bye.
But then, I wouldn't have had the pleasure of watching these pups morph into themselves. DJ with her little adventurous self. Peanut with his blue eyes and mischievous spirit. Sweet, sweet Queen B. Hershey with his little bark and big boy growl. I wouldn't have known what an awesome big brother Sampson is...
Or what a kind and thoughtful daddy Harley could be:
Oscar would never admit it, but he's smitten too as long as the puppies aren't chasing him. I know they are going to good homes. I know I won't miss stepping in mishaps or three am feedings, but dang letting go is hard.