Tonight, I learned something about myself. I thought when my kids got older my feelings would change. Well, they have gotten older. I guess that means I have too and a lot of things and feelings have changed. I remember feeling hurt and sad when ever they did. Once upon a time, all it took was a kiss to make the boo boo go away. My kisses don't work the way they used too. I can't take the hurt away. Hell, I can't even think of the right words to say. I can't make things right and I can't take away the hurt. It doesn't matter that the child of mine is closer to thirty than three-I still feel the hurt too.
I remember my mom telling me that I would always hurt when my child did. It didn't dawn on me that she was telling me this when I was in my forties and going through a rough time. She was telling me that she was hurting too. I didn't understand then, but now I do.
I also know that she prayed. She prayed ALOT.
I'm not ashamed to admit I hit my knees and prayed more than I have in a long time. Right now, the wound is still fresh but I know things will get better. I know they will.
Chris, Beth, Jody, Paul, Heath, and Lauren if any of you read this remind the others-I love you more than I will ever be able to tell you.
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