Eating a salad

Since February, we have been harvesting lettus. First out of the basement and currently out of the garden. For a while, Dwight and I had salads every Tuesday and Thursday but with all the damn rain we've had to change our schedule to Monday, Wednesday, and Friday salads so that we are not over run with lettus.
So let me tell you about my salad.
I like lettus but only if the pieces are small and have a great deal of dressing-Dwight has asked me not to put dressing on his salads because I drown the lettus. Not true. It swims.
I love the cucumbers. They sink.  I will tolerate the tomatoes because they float and it's fun to stab them. I like the radishes that we grew in the garden sliced so thinly you can see through them, but not the ones from the store. You can't put too much cheese or garlic croutons on the salad (again Dwight does not share this point of view).
It's mostly vegetables and it's not fried so I'm headed in the right direction. Unless you count the fried onions sprinkled on top, then I'm doomed.