Good bye 2023

 2023 the year Parker and David turned one. The year of the Virgin Island vacation. The year of loofah sponges and fishing trips. The year we lost our son Chris and found out Dwight has terminal cancer. 2024 will be a different year.

Where are you Christmas

 For many, many years my favorite Christmas song has been Mary, did you know? I will always love that song but this year " Where are you Christmas " has been my song. Here are the lyrics:

Where are you Christmas? Why can't I find you?

Why have you gone away?

Where is the laughter you used to bring me? Why can't I hear music play?

My world is changing.I'm rearranging.  Does that mean Christmas changes too?

Where are you Christmas? Do you remember the one you used to know? I'm not the same one, see what time's done? Is that why you have let me go?

Christmas is here. Everywhere, oh. Christmas is here. If you care, oh.

If there is love in your heart and your mind, you will feel like Christmas all the time

I feel you Christmas,  I know I've found you. You never fade away. The joy of Christmas stays here inside us. Fills each and every heart with love

Incurable

 Incurable cancer. The doctor said the words out loud and made sure that we knew what that meant. That makes it real. Every thing has changed and I hope our experience can teach others. Little arguments are things of the past. We don't have time for such pettiness and it won't matter in the long run. I wake up each day trying to think of something to make my husband smile or feel better. This is probably something I should have been doing all along. Messes? Who gives a duck? As long as things are sanitary. It'll be ok. Each day is a gift. Things don't have to be perfect to be special. I can laugh at the sound his bag makes and make him laugh with me. Laughter is a sound that is better than gold. More precious in my world. He hates depending on me, but maybe I should tell him how much I love, love washing his hair. I wish I had washed his hair long ago. I appreciate everything thing he does and I try to tell him thanks. This too should have happened a long time ago.  I don't feel like we've wasted time, but I think we're just going to focus on what's important.

Day Christmas 2023

 Another Christmas Party with Dwight's family. So glad we went and that there were smiles to be had.

And the reason behind the party.

Crying

 I look at the calendar and it says it's December 3rd. I think back and I'm trying to remember the last day that I haven't cried. I cry because I'm scared of the unknown. I cry to see someone I love hurting so much. It's a wonder I still have tears left. I wonder how many tears the human body is capable of producing. I cry myself to sleep wondering if I'll see the rise and fall of his chest when I wake up. Then I cry tears of relief. I make no apologies.  I've always worn my heart on my sleeve. Sometimes your body needs to cry and I certainly recommend crying over kicking a door. Doors hurt. Sometimes I cry because people are so kind, so caring, and thoughtful.  These tears won't stop no matter how hard I command them to cease. But having so many people lifting you up when life is being so unfair is a good reason to cry.