The Bouquet

 It's been almost a week since my baby got married. It was the most beautiful, untraditional wedding you've ever seen. It wasn't in a church but on a mountain.  None of the bride's maids dresses were alike but each woman looked beautiful and they fit together like a beautiful bouquet.  There was a  branding ceremony at sunset. We didn't toss rice or birdseed but blew bubbles. There wasn't a tossing of the bouquet and I didn't think too much about it. Everyone had a good time and it was a wonderful celebration.  The next day the bride informed me that she didn't toss the bouquet because she wanted to dedicate it to her step father...my husband . It's been a week and I still tear up. She loved him so much and I know that he loved her just as much

 

They should be here

 Sorry another grief post, but this time I'm angry. I'm so tired of cleaning up messes that didn't  create. I'm tired of doing things by myself.  I'm tired of thinking for myself with no help on the answers. I don't know where the pulley went. I don't know how to kill the algae without hurting the catfish. I don't know what the future holds but I do know I expected my husband to be here or his son. They should be here for Lauren's wedding too. They would have loved the view of the mountains.  I think that's what I'm most angry about. Another special occasion that I can't physically share with him. I am so fucking tired of crying.  I am so tired of trying to pretend that this is the life I want.  Rant over. I'll be better in the morning. 

Happy Birthday Lauren

 Happy Birthday Lauren Schuller. It's the last time I get to say it that way. Next year you'll be Mrs. Lacher.  The idea of giving your daughter away is ludicrous.  You'll never leave my heart or mind. I am so proud to be part of your journey to the woman you've become. You've taught me so much and I'm a better person for knowing you. Here's to another trip around the sun. I love you.

Fuck Cancer

 I have a blanket that says Fuck Cancer. Technically it was Dwight's but I can't agree more with those words. I heard another good man is fighting a battle just like Dwight did and I've been praying for him. Then the song "The Dance" came blaing on the radio. Ok I turned it up but the volume really didn't matter. The words hit me like a ton of bricks and I had to pull over for a little bit. Fuck Cancer and everything it does and all those it leaves behind.

My favorite time of day

 Lately my favorite time of day really doesn't have an exact time. It's when I'm sitting in my recliner with a hot cup of coffee and the sun peeks over the mountain.  The sunshine is behind the trees and they look almost golden. My lap is a warm bundle of doggies. That feeling when the first sip of coffee touches your soul and you feel like there's nothing you can't do.

My love

 February 14th.  The day to celebrate love. I knew I'd be in Little Rock today so I celebrated a little bit early. It was a warm beautiful day and I went to the cemetery.  I put roses on his grave and I sat down and talked to my husband. I talked for a long time and I sat on the ground absorbing the sun's rays and I let my heart say things that my mouth couldn't.   I left with a peace that doesn't come easy or often.  I'll always miss him.

Snow 2026

 We got our first snow this year with some bitter cold. Single digits without the wind chill factored in. The dogs, even the long haired ones, were not fans. Honey cried when her feet got too cold.