Good Things

2023 started off with a beautiful wedding.

I have to say me and the sibs cleaned up pretty good-as did Parker supporting his first bow tie. 

Lauren and Gilmore-he kissed her before she caught the bouquet.

Can anyone have more beautiful daughters?

Ah, you know I had to sneak one selfie in? Right

 There were so many, many good pictures. 

Age is just a number and grief is just a word

 This is January,  only the first month of 2023, and already two of my coworkers have died. One was 41 and had been ill for a really long time. I thought with his age he would pull out of it, but unfortunately I was wrong. I was completely at a loss at what to say to his wife and children. 41 is just too damn young. Then, another one was found deceased this week and he was only 32. Signing a card to his mom, has not been the high light of my day. 32? WTH? Just a baby. Some of my babies are older. So, so many sayings have run through my head and they won't stop. Ones like it's not the number of breaths you take, but the number of breaths that take your breath away. When it's your time, it's your time.  All of these random things just going in and out my head and I don't like it one bit. Talking to another friend, that lost her mom last year. Her Christmas was quiet and really subdued and she spent most of her time alone-how very different from my Christmas after losing mom. All thirty of us gathered in a cabin in the mountains. Reading poems by Spock. Drinking Mexican hot chocolate. Playing games. Laughing at each other and sometimes crying together. I think that's the word that's sticking with me-together. I know no matter how depressed or lonely I get, family is just a call away. If I sound desperate enough, they'll be at my front door before I can get the spare rooms ready. Aunt Mary calls her Family Calendars-"Greatest Family in the World" and I agree. We're not perfect. We squable. We have different views. We act different. Live different, but we're there for each other. We always have been. Always will be. And I'm going to be childish and say fuck grief just because I can. 

Folgers in your cup

 

Some people say the best part of waking up is Foldgers in your cup. I agree that coffee is an essential start to every morning, but some times the best part of waking up, is the hugs. 

My heart

 There's something about holding a baby for the first time. Then there's something else about holding the baby and putting him to sleep or giving him comfort. They way he knows your smell, your voice, the curve of your shoulder. Then you can add another whole level of unexpected joy when he actively reaches for you and wants just you.  It may be to escape his parents or just to be held but there's nothing in the world like holding a baby that wants you. It will fill your heart with so much joy.

Christmas weepies

 Christmas weepies aka Christmas blues. If you've ever lost someone special or miss the way things used to be, you're bound to get the Christmas Blues. While I can't bring anyone back or do time travel, I can offer a little help on fighting the blues. Don't concentrate on what you don't have. Concentrate on what is yours. What brings a smile to your face. What warms your heart? Will you laugh at anything this time of year? I miss my mom with all of my heart. Every time she passed a salvation army kettle, she always found something to give. I catch myself doing the same thing. It's not so funny if you give your lunch money away, but it happens. I gave each one of my grandsons 24 books. One for each day in December before Christmas.  I've watched them learn to unwrap. Watched them learn that pretty paper doesn't taste as good as it looks, and I've watched their parents read to them.  I've seen the wonder in their little eyes as they take it all in. I have flash backs to seeing Beth read to Lauren under the covers with a flash light. I hear mom's  voice reading to Rowan and years before to me. I remember my great grandmother reading a story to me in English and rereading the same page in German. I have old memories and am in the process of making new ones. My mom can't hold her grandkids in a rocking chair anymore (they wouldn't fit) but I know she's smiling watching me hold mine. I miss having my little babies and if truth be told, I accidentally called Parker by his dad's name.  I think he tried to kiss me. His open mouth came into contact with my face. There were slobbers and it might have been a really sweet gesture but he has six teeth.  So there's that, but it made me laugh. Laughter is the best medicine.  It even cures the blues.

A no-stress Christmas?

 Christmas can be a stressful time of year. Some many things to do. So many to buy for. So many treats to make/bake/take. It's supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year, but it won't be if you're stressed to the max. Slow it down. It's ok to say NO. It's ok to only buy what you can afford. I am so very happy that ALL FIVE of my kids and their significant persons got me a list by Thanksgiving-it made my shopping so, so much easier. They all have three things wrapped under the tree. Stockings are almost full. I bought each one of the youngest grandsons 24 books each-one to open each day of December and an advent calendar for the oldest. They love them and are having so much more fun than I thought they would. My Christmas cards were taken on vacation in Alaska-and it's one of my favorites of Dwight and I-I hope I ordered enough of them(so far 20  have been mailed out-working on the rest). The inside of my house is decorated and I've started on the outside and it's all been fun to do. Christmas just has to be Merry if you're happy.

Apology to my family at the Thanksgiving Circle

 We made a circle at our family Thanksgiving dinner. We all said something we're grateful for-all thirty one of us-and somewhere along the line, I just lost it. I cried big, ugly tears and I tried unsuccessfully to hide behind Dave but it didn't work. Just before bed time, I had received news that one of my best friends had lost a grandbaby. The next morning, I was looking at my grandsons and wondering what in the world did I do to receive such little blessings? Such beautiful,  healthy, happy blessings?