Hitting my knees

After knee surgery, you kinda take it easy on your knees. Mine was six months ago and to this day I put a pillow on the floor before I kneel. Then life happens and you feel something so strongly, so quickly that you don't have time to think and you just hit your knees to talk to God. Today is one of those days. Dwight is getting checked for cancer again. It's a follow up. It was planned but then delayed by Covid 19.  He's done everything the doctors have told him to do. I'm praying the tests come back clear. I'm not allowed in the hospital so all I can do is wait and pray. I wish I was closer to him. If I'm this scared, I can't imagine what Dwight must be feeling. Who am I kidding? He's probably just pissed that he couldn't have biscuits and gravy this morning.  That man. That crazy red neck hillbilly. He's the love of my life. I don't want him sick or in any pain.  Please God take the cancer away.

Enough already

• I understand  Black lives matter. I think all lives matter.  I understand that you have a right to protest. I really do. But, I have a right to live my life. I have the right to go to work and support my family. I don't think a community should be targeted for the beliefs of a few. I believe I have the right to defend myself if threatened.  I won't hesitate and I damn sure won't be making a fucking video.
  

Hey Mom

You know the head doctors initially broke grief into five stages: Shock, Anger, Denial, Bargaining and Acceptance.  Those same fools said that grief generally lasts four years. Not really true.It's been six years and yet I know when I draw my last breath, I'll still be grieving.
And those stages? I've been through all of them and have started over. I'm back to being angry.
You should be here. I  need you. There's this whole shitty pandemic going on. No one is really sure what to do. The safest thing seems to be isolation,  but at what cost? How many milestones are gonna be missed? How long will we be separated from loved ones? I know you weren't a scientist,  but you'd have answers or at least know how to make things better. You always did. It was like your thing.
Damn, I miss you. We all do.
You should be here. You'd be so proud of all of your grandkids.  They're fantastic adults. And Hopper and Rowan? The coolest kids EVER.
You're missing it all.
Or are you? Are you the reason none of us has caught this stupid virus? Are you keeping close watch over our little army of nurses? Are you smiling to see Robyn run? Do you laugh when Patrick and Lee rescue another litter of puppies? You always were a sucker for puppies.
I've found the pennies. Every day since the beginning of May. I've seen the cardinals too. Every time I turn around,  there's a sign, but it's not the same.
I still miss you.

This is the way we do it. Better butter.

For several months now, the hubby and I make a trip once a week to a local farm to pick up fresh milk. It tastes so good. It look like this:

I don't know if you can see it, but there's a line close to the top. The white stuff above the line is cream and it needs to be skimmed off. You can use the cream in your coffee or to make alfredo sauce. Most of the time our cream is made into butter. You whip it in a food processor for twenty minutes or so. Time depends on temperature of the cream. Room temperature will process faster. If you're really bored, you could churn it or put in a jar and shake it. You may notice it's turning a nice light yellow color. It should look like this:

Now you can drain off the watery substance.  Don't throw it away, it's buttermilk.  Then, you can put it in a bowl and continue to mush out extra water. If you want, you can add a little salt. It will go from grainy looking to smooth with all thus mashing.

There you have it. Homemade wonderful butter.

Adventures on the pontoon boat

I finally, finally got to go out on the pontoon boat. First we went to Bull Shoals on a cooll, foggy morning.  Eventually the fog lifted. The picnic tables were under water. I caught one very small fish which we released . Then we saw a bald eagle. Unfortunately my phone didn't have enough zoom to get a good picture,  but he was magnificent.
Then we went to Russellville and fished by the Dover waterworks.  I caught three nice fish and a sunburn, but I drove the boat without anything bad happening.  Also, manned the trolling motor without incident.  So we're all good. Also learned about jugging.

Hope and my Clematis

I realize that people don't get as excited about my flowers as I do and that's their loss. Maybe they should dig a little deeper. Maybe they should try to understand. 
I bought this scraggly plant three years ago at the end of the summer. It was well past the prime planting period, but I had wanted one for quite some time and this was the first time I had found one. Added bonus it was marked down because it was the end of summer.
I planted it. Watered it and hoped for the best. There wasn't much time for the roots to get established before winter would hit. A lot of times, we don't get a lot of time to be hit hard with something.
Next summer came and the vine came up. I watered it and put stones around it to protect it from the weed eater and lawn mower. Then came the Japaneese beetles. I  checked the plants for beetles. A lot of times we don't see threats coming.
Next summer the plant looked a little stronger, but no blooms. Still I watered and protected it. I didn't think you needed two bushes to get blooms, but so much in life is unknown. Even the experts get it wrong some time.
This year I was relieved to see my little vine had made it through another winter. I think that I have developed some affection for this plain little vine that's been with me for so long. Then without warning,  it bloomed beautifully . So far there are four blooms.
So I equated this scrawny little vine to my life right now. This virus is an invasion like the beetles, but it can be beat. Times will be hard like winter and the summer heat, but we just have to take care and plan for the future as best we can. Don't ever give up. There's something beautiful coming.

Toilette Paper is tough... times are tougher

This pandemic thing is no joke.You pick up toilette paper when you have to go to the grocery store if they have it. You don't get to choose what brand any more. All brands are not the same.
Going to the grocery store is an adventure. People try to stay six feet apart to pick through bare shelves. We won't go hungry any time soon, but long gone are the days of planning a menu out and getting something to go with it last minute. You take what you can get and be glad that you aren't doing without.
I will never again take it for granted that we can go out to eat with friends or family.
I miss going out, but I miss friends and family a lot more.
I've always been a hugger but this is only going to make it much worse. As soon as I get to see some family, bear hugs en masse will happen. Good friends too. I miss them so much my heart physically hurts, but at least they are alive and I will be able to touch them and wrap my arms around them at some point.I don't know when....maybe if I had a time frame I could count down the hours and it might not be so bad.
But I don't know when this shit will end. No one does. I know it will end, but not when so I keep praying and sewing my little masks and praying some more.