Daily Chores

So I think about this every day ...

Remembering and praying for Colorado

A few years back, Dwight and I visited the Royal Gorge. The little blue tram that takes you to the bottom is gone now.

and so is the tram car that took you across the Gorge.

The wonderful wooden bridge is still there but sustained heavy damage and will remain closed for sometime. Mean while, the fire continues to rage. My friend Juliet is 3 miles from evacuation and they are watching all the news closely. Cell towers are down. Praying for them, my family, and all of Colorado at this time.

wonderful letter from Austin, TX

Dear Mr. Thatcher,




I have been a loyal user of your Always maxi pads for over 20 years, and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core™ or Dri-Weave™ absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.



Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from "the curse"? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my "time of the month" is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call "an inbred hillbilly with knife skills." Isn't the human body amazing?



As brand manager in the feminine-hygiene division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers' monthly visits from Aunt Flo. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy! The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in capri pants. Which brings me to the reason for my letter.



Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: "Have a Happy Period."



Are you fucking kidding me?



What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness—actual smiling, laughing happiness—is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there will never be anything "happy" about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlúa and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreens armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory. For the love of God, pull your head out, man. If you just have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like "Put Down the Hammer" or "Vehicular Manslaughter Is Wrong"? Or are you just picking on us?



Sir, please inform your accounting department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flexi-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bullshit. And that's a promise I will keep. Always.



Best,



Wendi Aarons

Austin, TX

Hay .. hay..it was the weekend

In case you missed it, the weekend has passed. If you live in Newton County, you probably participated in some form of hay gathering-baling, raking, loading, stacking. Dwight was no exception and has the farmers' tan to prove it.

Willie Nelson - All of Me (Official)

for your listening pleasure and because I really want to dance to this song one day.

This is how you do it

Sunday found Beth and Jody at a Bridal fair where they participated in a kissing contest. From what I hear, the first couple got a lot of applause. The second couple got even more-they had some sort of spark going. The third couple did a little bump and grind and no one really appreciated the view of that. Then Jody told Beth to hold on-he promptly spun her around into a dip and laid the classic smooch on her (see  picture below). Beth told me she couldn't tell if the blood was rushing to her head really bad or if the crowd just went wild, but there was a lot of clapping and they won the kissing contest. The prize? Wedding rings!!What a great story to tell their kids. If Jody keeps being this romantic, maybe I won't have to wait that long for my granddaughter (or grandson). Anyway, glad to see the classics are still classic.

I cried today

 No, nothing is wrong. These were those other tears that seem to come more recently. It seems even if I have nothing sad in my life I cry when I'm happy. There was an envelope that came in the mail today from NorthArk College. I thought there might be some bill to pay or a transcript for the CNA program that Lauren is preparing to start, but no it's her Associates Degree. My baby girl has a college degree. More happy tears. Three kids and more than three college degrees. I screw a lot of things up, but somewhere a long the line they listened to me about how important education is. I am so proud of all of the kids. I'm remember dropping Lauren off at the college in two casts not too  long ago-she could have given up or flunked that semester, but she didn't. Congratulations Lauren! I promise not to cry on your degree.