Happy New Year's

I can't remember when I was so excited to see a year end. There's hope that the new year will be better and there's the feeling of having a fresh start. I'll hold on to the lessons that 2020 has taught me-nothing ever goes as planned. That every day is a gift. Freedom and the way we live our lives are precious. Don't take anything for granted. Going to the store-it's not always a given. Being able to be with family-not a given. Being able to celebrate or mourn-not a given. Having the supplies you need or want-be ready to substitute or do with out.

Learning

Ok so you're never too old to stop learning. Maybe next year, I'll take it up a notch... but this year I've had a CBD oil massage-wonderful experience and a sea salt massage-another treat for sure Speaking of treats, I finally mastered peanut butter patties.

Covid sucks

 I knew eventually Covid-19 would hit my little family. I knew it. After all, there are two nurses and one medical student-it was bound to happen. I tried to prepare myself and I've read everything I can on the subject.

But it's the baby that has it. I know she's healthy. I know she has no under lying issues. I also know that she has a lot of knowledge about Covid-19 and how to handle it. She even has the device to measure her oxygen level-what ever the heck it's called. My brain keeps telling me she'll be alright.

But my heart won't listen. My heart is so very worried, and it's breaking that I can't be with her. 

M & M s a new tradition?

 So everyone on the planet probably knows that October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. It shouldn't surprise any of those people, that the hospitals and scanning sites have fallen behind because of COVID 19 and the new procedures involved in getting into the buildings. So I did my scanning in November and rewarded myself for getting it done with a massage. 

Get it ? Mammogram and Massage? M & M? Ok a little different from those chocolate goodies, but good for you and you'll feel so much better afterwards.

PS got the results back and the girls are good. 

Good bye time

 Why do we say good bye when there really isn't a good feeling? Letting a part of your heart go ain't easy. It hurts.  Even if you've planned this good bye for months and you know it's for the best there's that whole heart thing. You know things won't ever be the same. 

The littles are leaving. It's time, and they're taking part of me with them. I've tried so hard not to become attached,  and I've failed. Miserably. 

I'll miss the way Dolly snuggles so close just so she can give kisses. The way her blue eyes sparkle and the color contrast of her tan and chocolate fur. 

I'll miss Tucker's growl. I'll miss seeing him run to greet me and the way he chases the big dogs. He's a perfect black and tan with a little white spot on his chest. 

I'll miss seeing the big dogs play with them. They have wonderful,  perfect homes waiting for them. Their new parents are so excited and have "dacshund " experience. But I won't see them every day. I won't know if they slept well. If they drank enough water. I just won't know and that's all part  of letting go. 

Not perfect just beautiful

 

The quilt I made for this precious little girl isn't perfect, but the picture of her using it is. 

My super power : Making warriors

 I love to create, make things, grow things. Not everything works out as planned and I could probably start a book on Pinterest fails, but as long as I'm having fun and learning things-I'll keep on trying and doing especially when I consider my successes. 

Oh those purple first prize ribbons are nice. Real nice. I think I'll always treasure them, but you know what I treasure more?

My kids.

Those crazy little brats have grown up to be incredible adults. They're brave. They'll stand up for what they think is right and even fight for what's right. It would just be so easy to say nothing and just roll with the flow, but they don't. Not one of them is capable of just keeping their mouth shut and letting something go down. It's making life a little more difficult, but I can't be more proud.

My little warriors. Not so little anymore. 

Remembering 9/11

 Nineteen years ago, The Twin Towers fell and America's innocence was shattered. Never had so much devastation come to our country and it hit like nothing before.  Today's feed is blasted with images of that day. I can tell you where I was. What I was doing and I can tell you what I was feeling.  I remember the pit I carried in my stomach for days. I remember how sore my eyes were. I remember trying to explain to my kids what had happened without scaring them. I don't think I succeeded.  I know they were scared. We all were. 

There were so many heroes that showed themselves on that day. Some we may never hear about.  

Has it been ten years?

 Oh I know it has. A wonderful ten years. I went to the beach to return to find this:

We usually go somewhere for our Anniversary. We made several different plans but they all went south due to the pandemic restrictions.  So we went with an abreviated version of last years plan that was cancelled due to a hurricane. For the last three years, someone has gone with us on vacation.  Wonderful memories were made, but this year it was just Dwight and I. I think we needed it. 

Sometimes you get so caught up in making a living and working,  you forget how important the little things are...like making coffee for your person just the way they like it. Like sitting in a car for hours with no radio and just talking. Like spooning.  Like making each other laugh just for the hell of it. Like putting someone's happiness before your own. 

An another Anniversary to realize how incredibly lucky I am.

And we're off

 Can't believe vacation 2020 is really gonna happen. We've planned so many trips and had to cancel due to COVID and travelling restrictions. It's finally happening. We're taking a trip to Sanibel Island where I'll hunt for sea shells and Dwight will use his medal detectors to find buried treasure. We'll rest and eat some seafood and hopefully get some good photos. All the while we'll be praying that Dixie does not go in to labor early and that things stay as calm as they can around our house. 

Day of the dogs

Actually yesterday was the day of the dogs. Dixie and Oscar celebrated their sixth birthday.  Dogs. Six years. Merely words that don't do them justice.  Dixie and Oscar are physically dogs but they are so much more than that... the memories,  the smiles, the laughter, the love they've given is so much more than from a dog. It's  from a friend. A loved one.
And six years? I can't imagine my life without them. Chances are I will probably out live them, but I don't want to. I  try not to think about it and we just make the most of every day.

Front porchin

I imagine with all the amount of quaranrintines going on there is a lot of front porchin. You know you sit on your front porch and take it all in. Early when covid 19 was just getting started, there were articles on how to raise your spirits. One of those articles recommended hanging Christmas lights and I did. I've always loved Christmas lights so I didn't really need a reason but it makes me appear a little more sane. Anyway, early Monday morning you can find me front porchin. I have the lights on and a good cup of coffee in my hands. The dogs and I take in the morning listening to whipporwills, an occasional owl, and sometimes coyotes howling in the distance.  The dogs play and I pray.
I thank God for the amazing life he's given me. I pray for the continued good health of our family especially our nurses. Goodness we have a lot of essential heroes.  I pray for people I don't even know. I pray that this virus ends and our country begins to heal.
Before I know it, the sun is breaking over the mountains and the lights aren't needed. My coffee is getting a little cool and it's time to start chores.

Hitting my knees

After knee surgery, you kinda take it easy on your knees. Mine was six months ago and to this day I put a pillow on the floor before I kneel. Then life happens and you feel something so strongly, so quickly that you don't have time to think and you just hit your knees to talk to God. Today is one of those days. Dwight is getting checked for cancer again. It's a follow up. It was planned but then delayed by Covid 19.  He's done everything the doctors have told him to do. I'm praying the tests come back clear. I'm not allowed in the hospital so all I can do is wait and pray. I wish I was closer to him. If I'm this scared, I can't imagine what Dwight must be feeling. Who am I kidding? He's probably just pissed that he couldn't have biscuits and gravy this morning.  That man. That crazy red neck hillbilly. He's the love of my life. I don't want him sick or in any pain.  Please God take the cancer away.

Enough already

• I understand  Black lives matter. I think all lives matter.  I understand that you have a right to protest. I really do. But, I have a right to live my life. I have the right to go to work and support my family. I don't think a community should be targeted for the beliefs of a few. I believe I have the right to defend myself if threatened.  I won't hesitate and I damn sure won't be making a fucking video.
  

Hey Mom

You know the head doctors initially broke grief into five stages: Shock, Anger, Denial, Bargaining and Acceptance.  Those same fools said that grief generally lasts four years. Not really true.It's been six years and yet I know when I draw my last breath, I'll still be grieving.
And those stages? I've been through all of them and have started over. I'm back to being angry.
You should be here. I  need you. There's this whole shitty pandemic going on. No one is really sure what to do. The safest thing seems to be isolation,  but at what cost? How many milestones are gonna be missed? How long will we be separated from loved ones? I know you weren't a scientist,  but you'd have answers or at least know how to make things better. You always did. It was like your thing.
Damn, I miss you. We all do.
You should be here. You'd be so proud of all of your grandkids.  They're fantastic adults. And Hopper and Rowan? The coolest kids EVER.
You're missing it all.
Or are you? Are you the reason none of us has caught this stupid virus? Are you keeping close watch over our little army of nurses? Are you smiling to see Robyn run? Do you laugh when Patrick and Lee rescue another litter of puppies? You always were a sucker for puppies.
I've found the pennies. Every day since the beginning of May. I've seen the cardinals too. Every time I turn around,  there's a sign, but it's not the same.
I still miss you.

This is the way we do it. Better butter.

For several months now, the hubby and I make a trip once a week to a local farm to pick up fresh milk. It tastes so good. It look like this:

I don't know if you can see it, but there's a line close to the top. The white stuff above the line is cream and it needs to be skimmed off. You can use the cream in your coffee or to make alfredo sauce. Most of the time our cream is made into butter. You whip it in a food processor for twenty minutes or so. Time depends on temperature of the cream. Room temperature will process faster. If you're really bored, you could churn it or put in a jar and shake it. You may notice it's turning a nice light yellow color. It should look like this:

Now you can drain off the watery substance.  Don't throw it away, it's buttermilk.  Then, you can put it in a bowl and continue to mush out extra water. If you want, you can add a little salt. It will go from grainy looking to smooth with all thus mashing.

There you have it. Homemade wonderful butter.

Adventures on the pontoon boat

I finally, finally got to go out on the pontoon boat. First we went to Bull Shoals on a cooll, foggy morning.  Eventually the fog lifted. The picnic tables were under water. I caught one very small fish which we released . Then we saw a bald eagle. Unfortunately my phone didn't have enough zoom to get a good picture,  but he was magnificent.
Then we went to Russellville and fished by the Dover waterworks.  I caught three nice fish and a sunburn, but I drove the boat without anything bad happening.  Also, manned the trolling motor without incident.  So we're all good. Also learned about jugging.

Hope and my Clematis

I realize that people don't get as excited about my flowers as I do and that's their loss. Maybe they should dig a little deeper. Maybe they should try to understand. 
I bought this scraggly plant three years ago at the end of the summer. It was well past the prime planting period, but I had wanted one for quite some time and this was the first time I had found one. Added bonus it was marked down because it was the end of summer.
I planted it. Watered it and hoped for the best. There wasn't much time for the roots to get established before winter would hit. A lot of times, we don't get a lot of time to be hit hard with something.
Next summer came and the vine came up. I watered it and put stones around it to protect it from the weed eater and lawn mower. Then came the Japaneese beetles. I  checked the plants for beetles. A lot of times we don't see threats coming.
Next summer the plant looked a little stronger, but no blooms. Still I watered and protected it. I didn't think you needed two bushes to get blooms, but so much in life is unknown. Even the experts get it wrong some time.
This year I was relieved to see my little vine had made it through another winter. I think that I have developed some affection for this plain little vine that's been with me for so long. Then without warning,  it bloomed beautifully . So far there are four blooms.
So I equated this scrawny little vine to my life right now. This virus is an invasion like the beetles, but it can be beat. Times will be hard like winter and the summer heat, but we just have to take care and plan for the future as best we can. Don't ever give up. There's something beautiful coming.

Toilette Paper is tough... times are tougher

This pandemic thing is no joke.You pick up toilette paper when you have to go to the grocery store if they have it. You don't get to choose what brand any more. All brands are not the same.
Going to the grocery store is an adventure. People try to stay six feet apart to pick through bare shelves. We won't go hungry any time soon, but long gone are the days of planning a menu out and getting something to go with it last minute. You take what you can get and be glad that you aren't doing without.
I will never again take it for granted that we can go out to eat with friends or family.
I miss going out, but I miss friends and family a lot more.
I've always been a hugger but this is only going to make it much worse. As soon as I get to see some family, bear hugs en masse will happen. Good friends too. I miss them so much my heart physically hurts, but at least they are alive and I will be able to touch them and wrap my arms around them at some point.I don't know when....maybe if I had a time frame I could count down the hours and it might not be so bad.
But I don't know when this shit will end. No one does. I know it will end, but not when so I keep praying and sewing my little masks and praying some more.

Staying your ass at home

We don't have a mandated order to stay at home. Arkansas is the only Southern state that doesn't have a mandated order, but it's common sense to do it. Stay at home. So many people find it hard to do. Not me. There's so much to do. My quilting has taken off on a life of its own. We have plants throughout the house and the garden is started. Our dogs are learning new tricks. Harley can shake. Midnight is learning to play ball. I'm cleaning the top floor of the house little by little.  Hummingbird feeders are out. The hot tub is functional.  My husband ventured out to the pond and caught a mess of fish so fish fry for dinner. If it wasn't raining,  I'd ask for mushrooms to go with the fish, but since it is raining I think we should work on cleaning the basement tonight.
I miss seeing everyone. I really do. In addition to all these extra fun activities,  I'm praying more than I ever have before.  I pray for the safety of those in our family,  i pray for those in need, and I pray for an end to this virus.

This picture

Every once in a while, I run across something on Facebook that I can't erase out of my mind. This is one of those images. It reminds me of my son Paul. He's a nurse that is one of those working with patients that have the carona virus. I pray for him daily. I include all the nurses in our family in that prayer. I really don't know what I would do if something should happen to him. I don't want to think about it. Stay safe son.

Thinking what it means

This virus is evil. People will lose their jobs. Businesses will go belly up. Retirement dreams will die, and a lot of people will lose their lives. There will be a lot of sacrifices that have to be made-family gatherings will be extremely limited or nonexistent. Women having babies may have to do so without their partner. Surgeries that need to happen will be postponed.  Funerals will go on and if people are allowed to attend it will be from the safety of their vehicle. If we're lucky, the only thing we're losing is time.
I'm doing ok at this social distancing for now, but my heart longs to hold my kids in a tight bear hug. It kills me not knowing when I'll see them again. My stomach is sick with worry that one of them will get sick. If I'm not worried about them, I'm worried about my husband or my parents or my siblings...the list goes on and on.
Every trip I take to the store (and I really try to wait as long as possible) I wonder if I'll bring some germs home. I sanitize my hands after I pump gas. Sanitize the car, door handles, and my phone. So much so that I worry about damaging the phone. I still have to report to work, but keep as far away from others as possible. So grateful I  have a job.
Going out to eat a meal is a thing of the past. How many times did I take it for granted? The same goes for getting a hair cut or having my nails done(in serious need of a pedicure). Getting together with some friends at a restaurant and having a couple of drinks sounds like heaven now.
We don't know how long this will last or if our favorite places will still be in business... We don't know who will catch this virus or how serious it will be... this not knowing....is becoming our new normal and I don't care for it one damn bit.

It's not as as I thought

Today I get to work from home because our company is preparing for the worst. It's not easy staying focused.  I have the door shut to my office.  No Tv, but I still let my mind wander. I'm worried about my kids and this great nation that we live in. What will happen? I sure hope that small businesses can recover. I wish our leaders would show as much compassion as I see around me. People helping others. Every where. It's sad that it takes something like a pandemic to bring out the best of people.  I see the worst too, but so much more good.
Ps working in jammies rocks.

I did it

Not gonna lie. I got a little teary eyed when I picked up my quilt. It's queen sized and it looks pretty good. Took nine months. Guess you could say it's my baby.

Carona Virus

I don't remember going through a pandemic. I certainly don't remember the President of the United States declaring national state of emergency.  I wouldn't say I've panicked,  but I certainly don't like having my life interupted. I'm making more choices to avoid large gatherings.  Washing my hands every chance I get and washing them for twenty seconds.
I don't miss going to the store, but I miss my garage sales and auctions. I'm scheduled off to go to a kite festival and I doubt that it will go on as scheduled.  Easter is coming and I wander what it will mean for children everywhere.  I worry about the nurses in our family. I question the wisdom of family gatherings,  but I will never miss one. NEVER. Screw this damn virus.

President's Day

I called my son to see if the horses were running on President's Day.  They were and he wanted to go so we made plans. Then my youngest wanted to go too so we invited the oldest to come with us. Yes, an outing with all three of my kids. Lauren wanted to invite her boyfriend and Paul wanted to bring his girlfriend so plans were made to meet at Lauren's place. On the way down, Beth called and her husband finished work early so Jody was coming too. Lauren's childhood friend joined us at the races and we were off.
I don't know anything about race horses. Paul goes with recommendations from the pros. Jody goes with jockeys on a winning streak.  Lauren bets on dapples. Beth goes with the latest time trials for the horses. I just go with names I like. Names like "Go google yourself", "whoa nellie", and "American butterfly ". Needless to say, I don't get rich but I have fun. I bet on a horse called"Ms. Betty" cause that was my husband's mother's name. A long shot that came in and put me in the black.
Paul and his girlfriend told us he had won four hundred dollars at the black jack table and she had won two hundred. After I cashed in my ticket from Ms. Betty I headed to the casino to see if they would give me some pointers.  I never found them in the casino and I got tired so I sat down at a slot machine and vowed to walk away once I lost ten dollars or I doubled my ten whichever came first. I lost four, then I won six, then lost two, and then the numbers on the machine just went bonkers. I knew I doubled my money, but wasn't really sure that what I saw on the screen was correct.  It was...

More adventures in sewing

I still attend sewing class when I can. Project night is Monday night. This project involved a zipper foot because duhhh we were using a zipper. First time to install a zipper foot. First time to use a zipper. We made make up bags with a fitted bottom. I have to admit,  I'm pretty pleased.

Bellytime

Reports have it that if you repeat something 21 times or over a period of 66 days it becomes a habit. If that's so, Bellytime is my latest habit. It happens every Monday after Dwight leaves for work. The dogs (all five of them) go outside to potty and I put coffee on. By the time coffee finishes brewing, I pour myself an oversized cup with creamer and the dogs are ready to come back in. I don't blame them, the temperature is usually less than 40 degrees. They run back to bed and I try to remember to put my coffee out of their reach as I get back into bed. Oscar and Sampson love creamer and they don't care if the coffee is hot. Anyway, I get back to bed. It's usually dark and way before six am. I have an electric fireplace in the bedroom.  It gives off heat(40 degrees is cold) and a little bit of light. Then, I take turns petting bellies and sipping coffee. Because we're on the bed, I can usually pet three at once. Today, it was Oscar, Dixie, and Harley. Sampson and zmidnight were wrestling.  Then, Sampson got cuddles and Oscar took on Midnight. Then, Harley played with Midnight. Dixie just growls at any one that touches her other than me because she's just not a morning doggy. I think I probably did the same when my kids were young.

Bye, bye

Good bye 2019. Good bye January . Sorry, you won't be missed. 2019 wasn't a banner year so I'm glad to see it gone. The same could be said for January, but with one week left January could still be salvaged. All it would take is one good snow. It wouldn't even have to stay around very long, just long enough to get a couple of pictures. 
Did you make any New Year's resolutions?
I'm going somewhere I haven't been every month. Trying new things and hopefully getting the old me back.