Suckiest Anniversary #2

A year ago, my sister pinned May 7th as the suckiest Anniversary ever because it was the one year anniversary of our mom's death. It still sucks. Not having her around. Realizing it wasn't just a really bad dream. Yeah, that shit really happened. It's getting further and further away from the last time I got a card or phone call from her.
People say time will make it better-and maybe it did for them but it hasn't for me. I've just gotten better at handling the pain. You know what? That's ok. Missing someone,  tears-that's all a part of life. Kinda like pushing through Walmart with all the hundreds of Mother's Day cards shoved all in your face. Sooner or later you're going to see one so stupid or incredibly tacky it will make you smile. There's beauty in everything. Those ugly tears my sisters cry-they make me wince for their pain but it makes me feel a little less alone. In a way, I'm glad we cry-not all mothers were like ours. Giving birth, doesn't sign you up for a life time of loving, caring, and  sharing. It doesn't automatically mean that you'll make birthday cakes or spend countless hours trying to make someone else happy. I wonder if my siblings remember the joy of picking out their favorite kool aide to go with dinner. I haven't thought about grape kool aide in a long time.
I remember her telling me how to measure the sugar-later I'd measure sugar to put in jelly or jam.
Her voice comes back to me telling me to make sure to premeasure the sugar, to add it quickly to help the jelly set up. Add a teaspoon of butter to keep the foaming down. That first batch of jam without her was rough. A lot of firsts are. This year I made "Rose Petal Jelly"-something she and I never did, but I think she'd like it. It set up fine and it really does smell like roses.
Roses like the ones she used to baby. Like the ones that Beth carried.
Roses like the ones that the grand kids carried after her funeral.
Roses like the ones tattooed on her grand daughters.
Roses are so beautiful and fragrant, but they can cause a little pain kinda like a memory.

A hard part of love

If you are anywhere near my facebook page, my desk, or cell phone, you know I love our dogs. Their pictures are every where. They're surrounded by toys and treats. Oscar and Dixie have a wardrobe that some people would envy. I watch their weight, what goes into their mouths, their sleep habits and monitor their activities(they are not supposed to jump long distances or chase horses). My point is we really care about these dogs. Unfortunately, Dixie has started chasing trucks. Not cars but just trucks. Living where we do, there are a lot of trucks. Keeping her inside 24/7 isn't an option. I hate seeing dogs constantly chained. Every morning, she and Oscar go out with me to feed horses and chickens and gather eggs. I can't have her leashed and carry eggs. She loves being outside, and I love having her outside with me.
So a huge part of disciple is love.

So I'm researching training collars.

and I have to find one that will fit a dog that weighs less than eleven pounds.

It's not that I want to put a training collar on her, I'm afraid of what will happen if I don't.  The invisible fences aren't an option unless I can rent a backhoe to dig and the yard where's she's allowed to run is huge.
This is so much harder than spanking a bum.

The Season before Turkey Season ie Morel Hunting

Here in the Ozarks, there's another hunting season before Turkey Season starts on April 16th.
People of all backgrounds are braving briers, poison ivy, and even snakes to snag up these tasty treasures. Below are some  Morel mushrooms that Dwight found:

I have not found any just yet, but in some parts of the world they've learned to grow them:

But at least the scenery is good:

For the 22nd Anniversary of my 29th Birthday

Yeah, good luck with the math on that one. I'm fully awake and still not sure I got it correct. Any way, Dwight and I are headed to Herman, Missouri for the Wurstfest. They celebrate their German heritage and all things to do with Weinners. Hence, the Weinner dog derby and parade in which Oscar and Dixie will participate. I'm not sure how old I am in this picture, but for years I was told this was my German dress.

Wish Oscar and Dixie luck

Oscar and Dixie are running their very first Wiener Dog Derby this weekend.
Cocktail Franks and dogs under 6 months old. Frankfurters (like Oscar and Dixie) are 7 months to 4 years old. Ball Park Franks are over 5.
Here's Oscar practicing-Dixie does not need the practice.

Happy 24th Lauren

Happy Birthday Lauren.
It's scary how quickly twenty-four years can fly by. I still remember going into labor with you. I remember your baby face and your bouncing up and down in the baby bed. I remember too your love of animals-rabbits, hamsters, goats, dogs, cats, and horses.
I hope you know how much you are loved.
Wishing you a very happy birthday and missing you!

Recipe time Lemon Fudge

I haven't posted a recipe in a while, and I made one from Pinterest that I really like. I would copy and paste, but I made my own adjustments so really it's become my recipe for Lemon Fudge.

Ingredients:
1 tsp lemon extract
1 tsp lemon zest (probably optional)
yellow food coloring-two drops
1 bag of white chocolate morsels
2/3 cup of whole milk or heavy cream
1 and a half cups of white sugar
one half stick of butter

Line an 8 x 8 pan with foil and spray with oil. Melt butter, sugar, and milk (or cream if you're using it) and boil for 5 minutes-watch not to scorch milk. Add food coloring, then  add extract and lemon zest and white morsels. Stir until morsels are completely dissolved and pour into pan. Refrigerate to firm up. You could probably omit the lemon zest if you were in a hurry. I added two drops of food coloring and that made it a pretty shade of yellow. Take it out of refrigerator to cut and enjoy.