Just like that

 I woke up this morning and reached out for my husband. I was momentarily surprised that he wasn't right beside me and then reality hit. I  will never physically touch him again.  Two years of healing, growing,  and moving forward gone in mere seconds.  Just like that, the pain was as raw as it ever has been. The tears I thought were under control fell faster than rain. How many tears can one body possibly produce? I know my body can continually produce them for three hours. The drive from Little Rock to Jasper is typically three hours. Every landmark memory was a stab to the heart. The burger joint. The farmers marker where we bought a huge water mellon to strap to the motorcycle.  All the ice cream stops at Sonic. The access to the river where he patiently tried to teach me to back a fishing boat. One memory after another.  I know I will miss him until I draw my last breath.  I'm used to a part of me being gone but damn does it have to hurt so bad?  The missing should be enough.  Not having your best friend. Not having the one that always had your back. Not having your travel partner, your lover, your helper. The missing should be enough.I know God has a plan and He's in control I just wish that I could understand or hurt a little less.