The hardest part of parenting

Parenting has never been easy for me. I think it all started with the loss of sleep. My fault for waking up to watch a baby sleep. Some how breathing was more assured if I watched for a couple of hours. Then, came kindergarten and my world walked out my door to a new world beyond. I swallowed the lump in my throat when my child pulled out of the driveway without me grabbing the "oh shit" bar. Along the way, I resisted the impulse to tan another kids' butt for breaking a heart so dear to me. I watched my baby grow and learn. Looking back, it happened in the blink of an eye. So much, so quick.
And the hardest part?
Letting go.
Letting the baby grow up like she's supposed to do.
The first one put me into a toxic relationship with tequila. The second left a huge whole in my heart. It wasn't if we didn't try to see each other every chance we got, but I didn't get to see him every day or every week. I don't know if he ate, or slept well.
Now it's time, for the last birdie to leave the nest and she's not flying around the mountain this time.
I'd grab hold of her leg and beg her not to go, but that wouldn't stop her and would look really awkward.
At some point, every mom wants her child to be happy. She puts her baby's dreams ahead of her own and let's her fly.
It's not easy  this letting go. I'd like to keep her wrapped up safely and close to me, but she wouldn't be happy there and that's just not acceptable.
So I'll do my best to smile when I wave her out of the driveway.