Cryfest 2014 Cancelled

I was talking to one of my beautiful daughters and I asked her if she was looking forward to Christmas. She quickly replied not really and I asked why. Her response was between my sisters and I- Christmas was going to be the ultimate "Cryfest". At first, I thought her mother should have taught her to lie a little better. Then, I thought maybe she needed to say it. I remember I would rather take a beating rather than watch my mother cry. That's saying something because she cried on the anniversary of someone's death-even thirty years later, she cried a movies, certain Christmas songs, and even when she was happy. Still I would rather take a beating than watch tears roll down her face. My ex once accused me of being selfish-may be I have been. I've been so absorbed in my grief that I didn't think how it would affect those that love me the most. I know my husband hates my tears and I can only imagine my children feel the same way. I don't want to be the sad "Aunt" or the one that people avoid at Christmas. Just because I don't cry doesn't mean I miss my mom any less. It's just that it's the 22nd of December and if tears would make me feel better-they should have done it by now. I know it will be hard-there are so many memories of Christmas that involve Mom. She made Christmas special. My husband said that's one thing he really misses about his mom-she made Christmas special. You know what? I can't bring back anyone, but I'm a mom too. I can make Christmas special and maybe create a little magic of my own. Christmas is known for that....