Remembering Mother's Day

First of all, Happy Mother's Day. I've been remembering Mother's Day that have long past. One year my son Paul gave me this huge fold out card. It's pretty corny, but he added his own sweet words and I take out this card and read it every year. I've been known to take it out and read it when I miss him too. Beth and Jody gave me a music box that plays "Wind beneath my wings" and when I got that box I desperately needed to hear those words. Long before that,  Lauren gave me a ring box that plays "Amazing Grace. " She was little more than a toddler and had no idea how much significance that song would play in my life. Then,  there's some of their art work from grade school. I love to see their childish signatures-some of their writing really didn't improve with time. Then, I get even deeper lost in thought and I go back to when I was a girl. We'd always go to church on Mother's Day. We went to a church that gave out roses every year on that day. It didn't matter if you were a "Mom" or not-if you were female you got a rose. Red if your mom was alive and white if she had passed on. Even as a young girl, I knew those white roses were special and gorgeous. Some time during the service, the pastor would have all the Moms stand and we would applaud. I remember shoving one of my siblings out of the way, so I could squeeze Mom's hand and looking at my red rose. It was beautiful and I loved it and I loved having her hand to squeeze. Now I'm much older. I get to wear one of those gorgeous white roses, but if truth be told, I'd much rather wear the red.
Missing her always, but especially today.

Happy Mother's Day from the dog

You feed me when I'm hungry.
You keep water in my dish.
You let me sleep on anything or any place I wish..
You sometimes let me lick your hands or even lick your face
Despite the fact I've licked myself in every private place.
You taught me to come when called, you taught me to sit.
You always let me outside, so I can take a shit.
You'll always have my loyalty, up to the bitter end.
'Cause after all, it's plain to see you're my best friend.

First Weekend of May Steel Horse Rally

Every year, the first weekend of May brings the Steel Horse Rally in Fort Smith.
This year we went and encountered our first traffic jam in Nail, Ar.

four years ago

I say the words four years ago to remind myself that it really has been four years since my mom went away. It seems like much, much longer since I've heard her voice, her laughter. Felt her arms around me.
I know the word I should use is died. She died four years ago.
But she's not really dead.
I feel her in the kitchen with me when I make jam. She's right behind me reminding me to double check the lids. I know Beth has her in the kitchen with her when she's cooking for a party. I see her love for cards in Robyn and her love for roses in Caitlyn. Paul and Connor have her love for the beach. When I hear Lauren talk about one of her elderly patients, I'm reminded of all the visits that Mom made to the nursing home.
I see Lee with her patience being tested to the limit with her two young boys and I bet Mom has hers tested as well. We were all surprised to live beyond our teens.
I think she lives on in each of us and I know we carry her in hearts, but today just really sucks.