Christmas shoes the updated version

Back in 2009, I wrote a blog about the song with Christmas shoes. A small boy wanted to buy Christmas shoes for his mom because she might meet Jesus that night. He didn't have enough money, but the kind hearted gentleman behind him helped him pay for them and I guess the story ended as well as it could have.
A lot of things in my life have changed since 2009. I've moved to the country so I guess it's only fitting that this story of Christmas shoes should be boots. But, the biggest change in my life has been the death of my mother. I knew Christmas without her would be hard-it was HER holiday. She lived and breathed for Christmas. Her shopping for Christmas started every year on January first. She loved to find Christmas printed toilet paper and every mail order catalog was sent to her house. She was a mail order Queen. It was not surprising that she called me to her bedroom back in May to show me her latest Christmas acquisition... a pair of boots for my youngest daughter.In the weeks following her untimely death, I cleaned her bedroom for hours and never saw those boots again. I guess it slipped my mind. There were so many other things to think about and take care of.
 The months slipped by and it was time to celebrate Christmas. Our family is larger than life. Love filled every nook and cranny of a three story Ozark cabin. It had come time to open gifts. My daughter opened a box from her Grandma and Grandpa Mike, and inside were those boots. She slipped off her shoes and put them on. I tried to tell those sitting next to me that Mom had gotten those boots for her but I choked over the lump in my throat and spilled red wine all over a cream colored blouse. As those next to me cleaned me up, my daughter made her way to Grandpa to thank him for the boots. He told her that Grandma was the one that had bought them for her. A perfect fit. They matched her Christmas outfit. Concentrating on clearing my own eyes, I didn't see her give her Grandpa Mike a big hug or all the other misty eyes in the room, but I know they were there. I also know that crazy lady was doing a jig in heaven because the boots fit and that she loved them.

another pinterest post....

Cryfest 2014 Cancelled

I was talking to one of my beautiful daughters and I asked her if she was looking forward to Christmas. She quickly replied not really and I asked why. Her response was between my sisters and I- Christmas was going to be the ultimate "Cryfest". At first, I thought her mother should have taught her to lie a little better. Then, I thought maybe she needed to say it. I remember I would rather take a beating rather than watch my mother cry. That's saying something because she cried on the anniversary of someone's death-even thirty years later, she cried a movies, certain Christmas songs, and even when she was happy. Still I would rather take a beating than watch tears roll down her face. My ex once accused me of being selfish-may be I have been. I've been so absorbed in my grief that I didn't think how it would affect those that love me the most. I know my husband hates my tears and I can only imagine my children feel the same way. I don't want to be the sad "Aunt" or the one that people avoid at Christmas. Just because I don't cry doesn't mean I miss my mom any less. It's just that it's the 22nd of December and if tears would make me feel better-they should have done it by now. I know it will be hard-there are so many memories of Christmas that involve Mom. She made Christmas special. My husband said that's one thing he really misses about his mom-she made Christmas special. You know what? I can't bring back anyone, but I'm a mom too. I can make Christmas special and maybe create a little magic of my own. Christmas is known for that....

Puppy love

It's hard to take a really clear picture of a black dog against a dark couch, but this is Oscar cuddled up to his sister Dixie. So often it appears that he is the cuddly one, but really she's much better a cuddling up for longer periods of time. And he snores. But this "puppy love" isn't a one-sided affair. A larger dog played a little too rough with Oscar and made him whelp. Dixie came running as fast as her six inch legs could go. I don't know what she thought she was going to do against a dog ten to twelve times her size, but she was coming to help her bro. These two are a pain in the keester at two am, but they make me laugh and have stole my heart (it's probably shredded under the couch with the dryer sheets).

Walking through the Past

This past weekend the current owners of the Dogpatch theme park reopened the park for visitors. Most of the time you see parts of the park from the road and it's all fenced off with serious "No Trespassing" signs posted every where. I thought there would be a couple of other people interested-but hundreds walked the old park this week end.
I remember going to the park as a child and teenager.

I remember hanging out in one of these shacks as a teenager. Some of the buildings are in poor shape, but the church is in great shape:

Every where you went, you could hear people talking about things they remembered. I don't remember the honey bee building, but Dwight did-I don't think either of us remembered that honey was $1.75 a quart back in 1975.

I  did not remember the kissing rocks either:

I do remember the train and the swinging bridge:

Dwight remembered the train for a different reason. His Grandpa had told him there had been a train come by recently. Little boy Dwight wanted to know how his Grandpa knew-and his Grandpa told him because the train had left tracks...

black friday/cyber monday

By the time I get around to posting this Black Friday and Cyber Monday will both be completely over.
I didn't stay up all night Thurday-I actually got six hours of some much needed sleep. I even talked Beth into going to Walmart in Pine Bluff Thanksgiving night(a nightmare). She and Jody have both vowed to never do it again.
My Black Friday shopping was very successful-filled the Prius to the gills(I say gills because the last thing I got to buy that day was a couple of fish-and I had to hold them in my lap). So, I attempted Cyber Monday sales. It was fine until some of the sites got to congested and I got kicked off, but still I mananged to get a couple of things on sale.
My sister wouldn't even consider braving the crowds with me. Why would she? Mom and I had always braved the crowds for her. I must admit both of us loved every minute of it. One time at one of our last stores-around 6 am-she told me she couldn't move anymore-we had started at 8 pm with no sleep. I had to stand in line by myself. She called me back to the car-and after I made sure someone was saving my place in line-I went to see what she wanted. She made me lean in the car window to hear her whisper:"Do you realize you're the only white person in line?" I told her shhh... maybe no one will notice-and the man in the next car started laughing so hard he spilled his coffee, but I got those video games.
We had a lot of fun shopping for the perfect "present" and I'll never forget all the laughs we had but if I could tell her one thing it would be the "perfect present" doesn't come from any store. It's "your presence".  I am grateful for so many wonderful memories and I aim to make many, many more. 

The Natural order of things

I know there is a natural order of things. People and animals are born, they live, and die. I know all of this, and on some level I have to accept it-but I will never, never like it.
I knew when I got Kate that she had seen better days. I knew she was an old horse. I knew that one day she would move on to greener pastures, but I didn't think it would be this soon or that I would take it quite this hard. My only consolation is she knew I loved her and that she didn't suffer. I will miss her snickers, her nuzzles, and her soft soulful eyes.
R.I.P. Kate

Newton County Toy Ride

Today we did our second toy ride for the year. It started at the square in Harrison.

It was a warm, windy, and beautiful day. There were over 40 bikes taking part.

 

We drove down Highway 7 to Jasper.

There were lots of fun curves:

We crossed the little Buffalo

and invaded the town

to put toys for tots under the tree.

what I'm doing in sub zero temperatures...

I love Lee's reading list attached to her blog. For a long time, it seems like the only thing I read was magazine articles and Pinterest. Then a miracle happened. The eye doctor actually prescribed the correct lenses and bam..back in the reading business. Now I usually have at least 2 books going at the same time.
My favorite Author of all time... Jodi Picoult

Jodi’s new novel, Leaving Time, was released in the US, Canada, and Australia October 14, 2014, and in the UK on 4th November. 13-year-old Jenna Metcalf is on a quest, searching for her mother, Alice, an elephant researcher, who disappeared 10 years earlier after a tragic accident at their sanctuary for former circus/zoo elephants in New England. Leaving Time explores the mother-daughter relationship, be it elephant or human, and the idea that those we can't forget are never truly gone. …

Successful Failure

This morning for the very first time EVER, I went to my deer stand in the dark by myself. This sounds pretty simple. But back up, woods in the dark terrify me. I hear bear and mountain lions and just about jump out of skin my when my stomach growls. My fear of the dark is only surpassed by my fear of heights. Usually the hubster will walk me to my stand and watch patiently at the bottom until I reach the top rung. I'm ok once I sit down, but climbing a sixteen feet seems more like 32 feet and if that sucker sways even the tiniest bit-it will take me a good thirty minutes to climb it. But not if I'm by myself out running bear, mountain lions, or the big foot of the Ozarks. No sir, I'm willing to bet I made it up in less than 10 seconds. Didn't even hesitate at the top rung. That's where the successful part ends(actually I made it down in one piece too) but I missed a doe. I got a second shot-and missed again. Third shot proved just as unlucky. So climbing down and landing in one piece was really a good thing-especially since lots of body parts were frozen.
On a side note. If you've never been in the woods on a night with a full moon, you're really missing a magical forest.

Stages of grief

It's been 6 months now and I'm trying to understand this "grief" thing. There are four stages: 1)denial 2)depression 3)anger and 4)acceptance. There is no timeline for any stage. I honestly couldn't tell you what stage I'm in. I can tell  you there are days I doubt my sanity. I want to put my dad in a germ free bubble. No guns or motorcycles. No tree stands over 2 feet. No ladders. For pete's sake take away his power tools(and those belonging to Mike too). UALR would be one teacher short-the hood is a little too dangerous for him in my opinion. Can you imagine him agreeing with any of this???? Right after hell freezes over. I really feel sorry for my husband. I know when he takes the motorcycle (and I watch road conditions). He gets grilled every day-did he take his vitamins? did he eat enough protein with breakfast? is he drinking water through out the day? has he propped his foot above his heart for 30 minutes? has he doctored all of his open cuts? did he get enough rest? I don't know why he puts up with me. Oh yes, I do. He loves me very much. And as much as I don't understand grief, he does.
I know each person handles grief differently, but I don't understand myself. There are days that go by and I'm fine. There are no melt downs. I can sing Elvis and Barry. I can even laugh and tell stories about her. I can look at pictures with dry eyes. Those days happen. Then, for no reason. It pours and I am powerless to stop it. There may be a trigger on some days-her birthday was a given, but others? There is no trigger-no warning and I pray I'm not in public. If some one could just yank the knife out of my heart on those days, I would appreciate it. I try to control it, but sometimes I can't and that's when it's the worst.  Dwight will find me and wrap me in a bear hug and I'll tell him I miss my mom. He'll hold me a little bit tighter and tell me I always will. And I'll wish he wasn't so damn honest.

Birthdays

 So today Momma would have been 72. Sometimes, I still can't wrap my mind around the fact that she's really gone. There are so many times I want to call and tell her about something-or I'll see something and think "I can't wait to show Mom", and that won't ever happen again. So today I had planned to drown my feelings and everything else in some really good Dr. Pepper and Rum.
But sometimes fate steps in and you have to roll with it.
For some reason, the only time Xander's mom could get the party room was today. So Xander is having his second birthday today. I'll be there. I want the little booger to know how much I love him. We'll take pictures, play games, eat cake, and open presents. I'll smile and be nice. I'll even sing the birthday song-it won't matter if I sound funny-I 've never been known for my vocal talents anyway.
Then I'll come home and not be able to tell my mom about the party or how excited Xander was to eat cake-and I'll have more than one Dr. Pepper and rum.

Happy Birthday Beth

Happy Birthday Beth! I love you.
Three little words-I love you. How easily they roll off my tongue. I can't remember a conversation that didn't end with me saying those words to you or you to me. You learned way too early that tomorrow isn't a given. Because of you, there is no doubt in my mind the very last words my mother heard me say. So often, you have been my teacher, my inspiration, and my friend.
I love you means-I know all about your faults-those faults don't make you less than perfect-only human. I hope you know that any mistake isn't really a mistake if you learn from it-it's a lesson. I think at your age, I wracked up a lot more lessons than you have.
If I give you a hard time about giving me a granddaughter (or son)-it's only because I want you to enjoy the same joy I have in knowing that you have given the world an incredible gift. A gift that keeps on giving. There is no doubt in my mind that you, Paul, and Lauren will leave the world a much better than the one in which you were born.
When I look in your eyes, I see a bright and wonderful future. Full of promise.
I hope your birthday is as wonderful as you are.
I love you.

Thought for the day

The Art of Burrowing

When Dwight and I baby sat Loki, we thought it was so cute that he would "burrow"-he'd go under the covers to the bottom of the bed and sleep. I'm sure there's not a lot of air down there, but apparently there's enough and he'd get there and not move until it was time to get going in the morning. Dixie does it too. If I'm curled up on the couch with a blanket, she's right beside me or under the blanket. Today she went burrowing in the blankets by herself. She's too short to jump on the bed just yet-I was washing sheets and the blanket was on the floor. I heard some yelping.It sounded like she was in dire straits so I came running to the bedroom only to find this little lump under the blanket running in circles on the floor. She got in and couldn't find her way out. I rescued her from the oppresive blanket and was rewarded with tons of puppy kisses.

Dixie's Story

A couple of days ago, I went to look at some dacshund puppies. There were two in the litter- a black female and a little red male. I've wanted a red male ever since I baby sat for Loki (Beth and Jody's dog). They sent pictures and the female was just so beautiful I decided I had to meet in person to make a choice. She was as beautiful as her pictures, but he had the personality I was looking for but what a tough decision. I drove away crying thinking about separating the two. It was just one of those days, but I dried my tears by the time I got to work and since the hubster was going by after work-he would make the final decision and I would pick one up Saturday night. I called home at break time to see what he decided. He didn't care-they were both great pups. The lady offered a deal on the two of them, but Dwight has grown up with dogs outside. It wasn't fair to ask him to take on two. So I asked which one was his favorite-again he didn't really have one. Then he asked me-and if I really had to make a choice, the red male was what I always wanted. He told me that was good because he and "Oscar" were already getting settled in. WTH-I had no bed set up, no food, no toys-all taken care of he assured me-and they were. I dodged a bullet, because there was no way I could look at Dixie and drive away with her brother.When I got home, there was no dog in the dog bed but he was curled up in the crook of Dwight's arm. Dogs are serious business in our house. They are a huge commitment. The take a lot of time, patience, understanding, and love. We don't just want a healthy dog-we want the dog to be happy too. If you can't tell if your dog is happy, you shouldn't own one. Oscar has been incredible-he does his business outside. He knows the word "no". Loves the cats(the feeling is not mutual). He's extremely loving, but there's just something missing and he knows it. Dwight looked at me today and says he misses his sister. I told him she's still available. He said no she's not-we're getting her. I called the lady and I really couldn't tell if she was crying or not-it sounded like it. Her last two nights have been hell. Dixie has howled all night long. She hasn't really eaten the way she needs to. So now instead of one puppy-we have two. Two very happy puppies. Probably a very messy house, but a happy house.

Conversation with the Vet's office

Me: I need to make an appointment to spay a cat.
Vet's office: What's the cat's name?
Me: Hitler
Vet's office: Are you sure it's female?
Me: Hitler keeps having kittens

Introducing Oscar

Four cats, 2 beagles, 2 ducks, 2 horses, 2 aquariums, twelve chickens and one rooster aren't enough at our house. Allow me to introduce our newest family member: Oscar

A walk in the woods

The hubster had trouble finding a deer he had shot so I spent a lot of time walking in the woods this weekend. A lot. I did a little dance jig when I made it back to the four wheeler without encountering any dangerous animals (sorry the box turtle didn't rank as dangerous) but for the most part I enjoyed walking in the woods by myself. It's been a long time. The woods were I grew up were much smaller. You could blind fold me, drop me off, and I could find my way out before dinner time.I know where the plums, pears, and muscadines grew. I had favorite trees everywhere. The pines grew so big and thick in one spot, that the undergrowth was almost nonexistent. The bed of needles must have been 4 inches thick. We'd play house under the trees using the needles-making an outline of a house complete with bedrooms, doors, and walk ways. Sometimes we'd climb to see who would go the highest up (I don't remember Juliet ever winning but she'd always climb). Then, sometimes we'd climb a tree with vines. We'd grab a thick one, swing, and hope for the best. Sometimes, our journey to the ground was swift, but I don't remember any broken bones. Got my butt whooped for some torn pants, but no broken bones. The were dirt mounds great for riding bikes. With wonderful orange dirt. I'm sure that was a lot of fun when it came laundry time. I loved the woods and I love them now. The smell of the leaves is the same. Instead of someone calling me home, I hear eagles screaming-maybe it's the same thing.

City girl mistake with a history lesson

I know there are a lot of things a city girl needs to learn about counrty life i.e. you can't pet a rooster and I thought I caught on pretty well until the other day.
I put a whole Chinkapin into my mouth-shell and all. I know you're supposed to shell nuts but since the pricky part was gone I figured the brown pea shaped nut was the part to eat. Wrong. You still have to take the shell off. What's a Chinkapin you ask?

This is what it looks like out in the wild. See the prickly part? Don't be surprised if you've never seen one before. Sometime back in the 1940's and 1950's the Ozarks (and the entire South east) were struck by a tree disease called "Chestnut Blight". It killed most of these trees and for a long,long time people and animals had to do without these delicious treats. Slowly, they are coming back and they taste better than chestnuts and they are about the size of a chestnut too.
Here's what I popped into my mouth:

not a whole hand full-just one.
So crack your nuts and don't eat the shells.

October 1st

To many people, today is just an ordinary day-a Wednesday-and really a day of no importance. There are ten more days until Casey's Birthday and thirty days until Beth's Birthday. Seventeen until Beth and Jody celebrate their very first anniversary. To me, October first starts fall. I know the calendar says it starts sometime in September-but that's for the fools that have Christmas decorations out with their pumpkins. So it's finally October, and now my fall decorations can come out. There's the pumpkin, spider web, and the little ghosts. Candy corn in the candy dishes and time for caramel apples. If you look real hard-you might find the Halloween candy I've hidden from Dwight and Lauren. I don't have little ones to dress up or plan a costume for-so I sit waiting for my sister to post pictures of her adorable little ones. I don't think she can top her costume from last year-a friggin' jellyfish that glowed-but she's full of surprises.
There's fall festivals and Harrison has their "Homecoming" on the square this weekend. I might get to go if I'm not helping Dwight with deer meat.
Meanwhile, I hear caramel apples calling my name.

Things you see at a Bike Rally

There are people that do jumps on motorcycles:

And really weird helmets

and sweet blue trikes

and yellow ones too

and orange

and ones that look really mean

and Fat boys

                                                  and custom bikes

The Cat store

To say Dwight doesn't hate my cats might be a little on the optimistic side. He's never mean to them, but he won't feed them or cuddle or play with them. To be fair, there are 6 of them. I started with Lauren's cat Vixie-who gave birth. I adopted "Dot" and Lauren was unable to find a home forDot's litter mate "Hitler".  I wasn't too worried-I had miss Dot fixed along with Vixie and all was well. Until Hilter gave birth. Her first littler this year was early in the spring. I found kittens that didn't make it but I didn't find all the bodies-and "Willie" appeared as a half grown kitten. Some idiot told me that I needed to wait until she stopped nursing to have her fixed-wrong, she delivered another litter-and now we have Munchkin and Midnight. Who are adorable, but are on the look out for a good home along with Willie and Hitler.But as it stands now, there are 6 cats at the house. All of them stay outside(sometimes Vixie sneaks into the basement to do a little cleaning). So Dwight is pretty patient-or he was until he saw a bill for a litte over fifty dollars at the Cat-O store. What in the world did I buy for the cats at the Cat-o store? I had to really think for a minute there. Then it came to me-the store is not the Cat-o store it's the Cato store (prononunced Kay-toe) where I bought a couple of shirts for work. The cats will just have to run around in their birthday suits.

Hobby

I have a new hobby-well an old hobby that the hubby and  I got back into-and believe it or not-it does NOT involve my beloved Pinterest. Hubster has set a 55 gallon aquarium-and he is still experimenting with fish in it and I have a much, much smaller aquarium. Mine is for the night time. I have a blue light and fish that "glow" in the dark. I would take pictures and  post them but I can't take pictures of things in the water that come out clearly. Especially tiny quickly moving things so you'll just have to take my word on it-they were a live when I left this morning and this is what is in my tank.

tequilla sunrise guppies

Glow in the dark Danios

and a snail for cleaning.

Sunday Hawk Creek Falls

Today we went for a ride down Hwy 7

and this was my view but we stopped at Hawk Creek Falls so I got to see this

and this

 

and some pretty views of the mountains too

Then we added 3 tequila sunrise guppies to my fish tank and a clown loach, an angel fish, and a blue gourami to Dwight's tank.

again...

I know I posted this picture 4 years ago, but I'd do it all again. Happy 4th Anniversary Dwight.
These last 4 years have been incredible.

Reserve Grand Champion

My very first "Reserve Grand Champion" for photography...Thanks for being my model Lauren!

Biker Education

Growing up riding to Middle School on I bike, I thought I understood something about motorcycles. There are a few terms my dad never used in front of me or that I simply did not pay attention-allow me to educate you on some common biker terms:

Trike: a three wheel motorcycle for those too old to climb on a regular motorcycle

 Turtle shell-a helmet that looks like a turtle shell and not unlike what the Germans wore in "Hogan's Heroes"

Ape hanger: a motorcycle where the driver has to reach up to the handle bars and dangle like a monkey as he/she drives. In Arkansas, the legal limit is 15 inches. I don't think the people driving Ape hangers even care.

 

Fat boy: a reference to the tire on the motorcycle not the person driving it