Coming home

 I don't care if I'm  coming home from the beach, Springfield, Little Rock, or some other location, once I get about thirty miles out my foot is a little bit heavier on the accelerator. Once I cross that Newton County line my breathing gets a little bit calmer and a peace settles over my heart. I know my subconscious is secretly hoping I'll walk in the door and I'll be wrapped in a bear hug like so many times before, but I'll walk in and find five wiggle butts. They'll all be at the door wagging their tails so hard it's almost impossible to imagine their backsides are attached to their front paws. Then they'll start jumping and whining and I'll have to bend down to give pats then the kisses start. All five at once. Lots of kisses and I'll have to smile. I don't know if the smile is for me or them, but it's a good reminder that home is where love is and it comes in so many forms.

Resolutions

 Do you make New Year's resolutions? I do and most of the time they change. I'd like to think it's because I'm changing definitely getting older and hopefully wiser. This year instead of just losing weight, the goal is to be healthier. Instead of being at the beach for one month, it's to be at the beach a minimum of 30 days-already claimed four. I want to learn something new every month and so far I've learned to unlock my phone screen, delete apps, and rearrange the apps on my screen.  I've down loaded the Circle K App so it would be in my best interest to learn how to use it. That should put me up to April or so but I think I'll keep trying.I  want to cook something new each month so I'll post it here to remind myself. I  went to Pensacola Beach for the first time so maybe I should visit 11 more new places too. Sounds doable. 

2025

 I can't believe this year is almost over. What an exciting year. I spent a month at the beach, not consecutive days but a month with my sisters, my son, and some dear friends. I revisited Colorado and made new memories there. I saw my youngest daughter become engaged and my grand daughter take her first steps. My youngest grandson can say granny now. I worked a balloon crew in Albuquerque at the Balloon Fiesta. I traveled by myself and took some pretty great road trips with my youngest daughter Lauren.  I took two great train rides.  I celebrated my sixtyth birthday and retired. My greatest accomplishment? Getting through the year. Learning how to live and have a life without my best friend.  Knowing when to let myself just cry and miss him and letting myself laugh and learn because he would want me to.  I made some of my dreams come true and next year is a whole new slate. 

Santa don't stop

 Dear Santa,

You can skip my house this year. I have everything I need and more than I deserve. I've already been given the best gifts and they didn't need to be unwrapped. I  had a sick grandchild reach for me and find comfort in my arms. Later, he got better and graced me with hugs. His brother runs to greet me and gets upset when I have to go home. I heard another toddler belt out jingle bells at the top of his voice and later tell me slow down so he could get a better look at baby Jesus . I have a grand daughter that talks to me. I have no idea what she's saying most of the time, but it sounds really important.  She walks to me and is happy just holding my hand. I  know that I am loved and needed. We've made so many good memories. Thank you Santa. Thank you Jesus. 

Where did November go?

 I know we're past the month of November. There was so much going on. The girl's trip to Nashville in the most perfect house beside a river. Hunting with Nick. Lunch with Mike, Kate, Dad, and Karon. Thanksgiving Sunday. Glow wild at the zoo. The return of the trumpeter Swans. Black Friday shopping with my friend Kelly. 

Report card

 No I'm technically not in school but I'm learning this thing called life. Two years ago, I found out my husband's cancer was back. A lot has changed since then. I've learned a lot about grief. The biggest being that grief is the price you pay for love. Every one handles it differently and there's no wrong way.  There will be days you could drown in your own tears. Lean into it. Cry if you need to. It doesn't mean you're weak. It means you're hurting. It doesn't mean you're not healing.  It's a process and like every damn process it takes time. I'm learning to take care of myself and love the old lady I've become.  I can't bring myself to date and that's ok. I have my grandchildren and my precious fur babies and I'm happy. I thought I might be getting lonely but I'm not. I'm just missing Dwight.  He was one heck of a man and an even better friend. 

A JD hug

 Back in August, our family celebrated JD's first birthday and I marveled at the hug he gave his great grandpa. In reality it's his great grandpa by marriage but a heart and especially a child's heart doesn't know the difference between blood lines and family ties. He grabbed his grandpa around the neck and melted into him. I loved watching this and feeling special because you can't force a child to love like that. Later JD'S Aunt LoLo also commented on her special hug from JD. I think it was his way of trying to convince her that he needs more cousins. I know she's giving it some thought and that never would have happened a couple of years ago. This morning around six I heard JD stirring in his crib and I went to check on him. He was awake and wanted out of his crib. I obliged and picked him up then the hug happened.  He wrapped his hands around my neck and melted into me. We stayed that way for a couple of minutes. Long enough for his heart to hear mine say that I love him and I think it was long enough for mine to hear him say that he loved me too.