Hard to believe ten years have gone by, but it's hard to remember a time in my life that Oscar wasn't there. He's my friend, my buddy, my confidant, my nurse and snuggle buddy. He only has half his teeth and the white is showing in his muzzle but his love has never been stronger. He's loyal to a fault and still adores car rides, ice cream, and babies. In that order.
I knew answering questions about Poppy would be inevitable. I knew it. I tried to steel myself as best as I could, but tears happen. I woke Parker Saturday morning and he was excited to get in the car with me. Five minutes down the road, he asked if we were going to see his Poppy. I told him no that we couldn't because Poppy was in heaven and I swallowed that lump in my throat. I couldn't swallow the tears but wiped them away as fast as I could and I had hoped he didn't see my water works. We arrived safely at our destination and when I got Parker out of his car seat he gave me a big hug ar
Every morning I try to spend a couple of minutes on the front porch. Sometimes I watch the hummingbirds battle it out over one of the five feeders. They all want the same one at the same time. Sometimes I marvel at the sun coming up. I drink my coffee and cuddle the dogs. Lately it's been incredibly hot during the day so the coolness of the morning is a great start to the day. Today there was a really nice breeze blowing that made the leaves dance. It reminded me of being near the Devil's Tower in South Dakota. The Black Hill Indians tye brightly colored pieces of material to tree limbs. These pieces of material are prayer cloths and they believe the wind carries their prayers up. So I thought about the wind carrying prayers up and even though I didn't have any material, I said a prayer. I heard a voice tell me it's all gonna be alright and it sounded so much like Dwight. I swear I didn't put anything but creamer in the coffee.
It's been three weeks today and it feels like a million years. I miss my husband so much. I miss his quirky sense of humor. I miss the adventures. I miss the smell of coffee when I wake up. I miss someone stealing the covers and leaving whiskers in the sink. I miss his laugh and the twinkle in his eye. I miss the hugs and kisses.
You know kids can say the damdest things. Sometimes they'll even say things that you'll remember the rest of your life. My son, Paul, told me how emotionally exhausting it was to help take care of my husband for one afternoon. He knows I took care of my husband for days, weeks that turned into months. He said he was very proud of me. That not many people could/would honor their vows that way. It was an honor to take care of my best friend. I couldn't take away his cancer but I could honor his wish not to die in a hospital or care facility. All four kids have told me how proud they are of me and that's what I choose to think about when I question my choices. Thinking back, I would just change the outcome. I know I did my best.
I've worn many titles in my life and now I have one more. This widow can't keep track of time. I have very strange sleeping habits if I can sleep at all. My dogs are constantly with me no matter when or where. I'm sure they will be very upset when I go to work today, but it's time. I have paper work to do and I need to check on my plants at the office. I hope I can make it through the day. Every thing has changed in my world. Everything.
I made it through the work day. I only cried once and no one saw me so it didn't count. I can't believe it's been a week since I've kissed you. A week since you held man hand.
