This is January, only the first month of 2023, and already two of my coworkers have died. One was 41 and had been ill for a really long time. I thought with his age he would pull out of it, but unfortunately I was wrong. I was completely at a loss at what to say to his wife and children. 41 is just too damn young. Then, another one was found deceased this week and he was only 32. Signing a card to his mom, has not been the high light of my day. 32? WTH? Just a baby. Some of my babies are older. So, so many sayings have run through my head and they won't stop. Ones like it's not the number of breaths you take, but the number of breaths that take your breath away. When it's your time, it's your time. All of these random things just going in and out my head and I don't like it one bit. Talking to another friend, that lost her mom last year. Her Christmas was quiet and really subdued and she spent most of her time alone-how very different from my Christmas after losing mom. All thirty of us gathered in a cabin in the mountains. Reading poems by Spock. Drinking Mexican hot chocolate. Playing games. Laughing at each other and sometimes crying together. I think that's the word that's sticking with me-together. I know no matter how depressed or lonely I get, family is just a call away. If I sound desperate enough, they'll be at my front door before I can get the spare rooms ready. Aunt Mary calls her Family Calendars-"Greatest Family in the World" and I agree. We're not perfect. We squable. We have different views. We act different. Live different, but we're there for each other. We always have been. Always will be. And I'm going to be childish and say fuck grief just because I can.
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