Waking up

Me waking up in the middle of the night(before my alarm goes off) is never really a good thing. Sometimes, I have night mares-and I can never recall any of them unless they were induced by cold medicine. The one where I jumped on my unicorn to get away from the mushrooms that were chasing me was brought about by a combination of Niquil and vitamin c. I woke up the other night and got scared. It all started when I looked at the snoring creature next to me and it occurred to me that I love him as much as anything  that I haven't given birth to. And that alarms me-seven years ago at this time, I didn't even know he existed. How completely my world has changed. And it can stop now. I'm in a good place. I don't want anything to change. The kids are all doing well-following their dreams and making them realities. I have a grandchild-which makes me immortal. I know that I am loved every single day. I know things can get better-but they can get much, much worse and that's a gamble I don't want to take. Can I just push the pause button on life?