They should be here

 Sorry another grief post, but this time I'm angry. I'm so tired of cleaning up messes that didn't  create. I'm tired of doing things by myself.  I'm tired of thinking for myself with no help on the answers. I don't know where the pulley went. I don't know how to kill the algae without hurting the catfish. I don't know what the future holds but I do know I expected my husband to be here or his son. They should be here for Lauren's wedding too. They would have loved the view of the mountains.  I think that's what I'm most angry about. Another special occasion that I can't physically share with him. I am so fucking tired of crying.  I am so tired of trying to pretend that this is the life I want.  Rant over. I'll be better in the morning. 

Happy Birthday Lauren

 Happy Birthday Lauren Schuller. It's the last time I get to say it that way. Next year you'll be Mrs. Lacher.  The idea of giving your daughter away is ludicrous.  You'll never leave my heart or mind. I am so proud to be part of your journey to the woman you've become. You've taught me so much and I'm a better person for knowing you. Here's to another trip around the sun. I love you.