Report card

 No I'm technically not in school but I'm learning this thing called life. Two years ago, I found out my husband's cancer was back. A lot has changed since then. I've learned a lot about grief. The biggest being that grief is the price you pay for love. Every one handles it differently and there's no wrong way.  There will be days you could drown in your own tears. Lean into it. Cry if you need to. It doesn't mean you're weak. It means you're hurting. It doesn't mean you're not healing.  It's a process and like every damn process it takes time. I'm learning to take care of myself and love the old lady I've become.  I can't bring myself to date and that's ok. I have my grandchildren and my precious fur babies and I'm happy. I thought I might be getting lonely but I'm not. I'm just missing Dwight.  He was one heck of a man and an even better friend. 

A JD hug

 Back in August, our family celebrated JD's first birthday and I marveled at the hug he gave his great grandpa. In reality it's his great grandpa by marriage but a heart and especially a child's heart doesn't know the difference between blood lines and family ties. He grabbed his grandpa around the neck and melted into him. I loved watching this and feeling special because you can't force a child to love like that. Later JD'S Aunt LoLo also commented on her special hug from JD. I think it was his way of trying to convince her that he needs more cousins. I know she's giving it some thought and that never would have happened a couple of years ago. This morning around six I heard JD stirring in his crib and I went to check on him. He was awake and wanted out of his crib. I obliged and picked him up then the hug happened.  He wrapped his hands around my neck and melted into me. We stayed that way for a couple of minutes. Long enough for his heart to hear mine say that I love him and I think it was long enough for mine to hear him say that he loved me too.

And she's one

 Technically my grand daughter turned one yesterday,  but the words just wouldn't come to me. My relationship with my precious princess is hard to put into words. I prayed for a grand daughter for a long time. When her mother told my husband she was expecting a little girl, he sobbed.  A real hard cry. I don't know if he was truly happy or if he knew he would never physically meet her. I knew him for seventeen years and that was the only time I saw him cry. Not at funerals.  Not when I told him his oldest son had passed. Not when the doctor said stage four. He knew what having a grand daughter was like so I think it was tears of joy for me. She's something else. She's not really saying words yet but she pulls up all the time. She's not shy about letting you know when she wants down and even more vocal about who's allowed to hold her. She smiles when I feed her as if to say finally here comes Granny with the good stuff. She can't say the words I love you but her eyes say it for her and this Granny returns it ten fold. Pruitt someday I hope you read this and know that your Granny (and Poppy) have always loved you.

Balloon Fiesta 2025

.   I went to the Balloon Fiesta in Albuquerque,  NM. I drove/rode in a Ford van equipped with beds, a kitchen, and portable potty. We reported for crew duty at 4:30 every morning. My friend Crystal went up in a balloon first and I really wondered if I had the nerve to go up. Turns out I did. It felt a little closer to heaven.

Heaven shining on the balloons