Making memories

 Boy, this weekend was a good one. Made lots of good memories and will post more on them later, but one really has me reeling. After everyone had left, Beth and I were visiting and David is playing with farm animals.  There's a turkey with those animals. Beth would tell him the turkey says gobble gobble and David would reply with another turkey sound. I asked her if she made that sound and she said no. I asked David to tell me what a turkey says and he made the sound again. It sounds just like a turkey call. The wooden one that uses chaulk. He was making the sound that his Poppy taught him and it was spot on. I can't quite make that sound with my mouth, but David sat in Poppy's lap and watched him make the sound. I looked at Beth and told her that he was too young to remember it, but there he was imitating Poppy's turkey call perfectly.  I can't make that sound and Beth was still trying to get him to say gobble, gobble.  I hope he does remember,  but more importantly I hope he remembers the love.

Morning with David

 After kicking me all night, David woke up around six am, grabbed my hand, and told me we were going downstairs.  Unfortunately I was unable to find his tractor show and that put him in a testy mood. Then he wanted donuts. I told him no and that mommy and daddy did not want him to have donuts first thing in the morning.  He looked in the box of donuts, grabbed one, and calmly told me that it was a bagel with sprinkles.  Bagels for breakfast. Alright then.

What I Can't Do

 This past weekend,  I went to a wedding. Makeup and panty hose in a dress. Then some one wanted to talk about Dwight and I just couldn't.  I tried to end the conversation as quickly and politely as I could. I saved my makeup but wasn't as polite as I would have liked. I had thought about visiting Mom's grave as I was less than two miles from there, but I just couldn't do that either. I made it by Dwight's grave and did fresh flowers and we had a long talk. I think I needed it. I  know no one will believe me but there were turkey tracks on top of his marker. I know turkey tracks when I see them and they were definitely there. I know I can't speed through this think called grief. I know it will take some time. Possibly  a long time. I can't hurry it or pretend it doesn't exist. Sometimes I get a little crazy and ask for a sign that it's all gonna be all right. That's what those turkey tracks were. Then I felt a warm feeling almost like a hug. I'm sure it was the sun...but I'm not really sure.

Valley of Fire

 Once upon a time Dwight and I  visited the Valley of Fire. I believe it was in September and fall had started in Arkansas.  That visit temperatures were over 100 degrees before 8am. Hiking was difficult and we kept our visit short but I vowed to visit again and see the wave. I did.

Vegas

 I don't think there's a city in the world like Las Vegas. It's big, diverse, and full of lights and surprises.  To get there, I  took a plane, tram, bus, and taxi. While there, I can't tell you how many Ubers were taken. I can't tell you how many tears were cried or how badly I needed this trip. I needed to get away. I needed to feel the love of my sisters and my favorite aunt. They gave me permission to cry, rant, and cut loose. I was reminded that this grief thing is all to new and real and it's ok to feel the way I do.  We caught up on family gossip. Made plans for the future and mourned the passing of my mom's sister Robyn. We partied on Freemont street. Ventured to the Valley of fire. Watched a Michael Jackson show. Caught another show at the sphere. Watched the fountains at the Bellagio and visited their Botanical gardens. Walked the strip and took a spin on the ferris wheel. We played t shirt roulette and dressed up for Halloween.  Every night we gathered around a table and shared stories, concerns, and maybe a drink or two. Lots of hugs given and more memories made. All to honor Mom's 10th heavenly birthday.  I know she watched over us. Always our angel.