63

 Today the love of my life would have been sixty three. I realize that some people might say that's really old, but it's not. He didn't live long enough. He didn't live long enough to live out all his dreams. He wanted to teach his boys to hunt and fish. He wanted to hike Crater Lake. He talked about going to Paris and Scotland and he was just crazy enough to do it. I miss him so much. I miss his laughter and corny jokes. I miss the way he would try to be stern with me and totally cave when I really wanted something. I miss the way he would surprise me with the most unusual things... a horse, a trip, a train ride, a flower...I just never knew what to expect, but I got him too. I surprised him with a gun he wanted. Biscuits and gravy at three am. Fishing trips.. sometimes all night long. I miss the way we just fell into place. He was the peanut butter to my jelly. So much laughter so many damn good memories. I know this is all part of grief. I've heard with deep love comes great grief but I'm not going to focus on that. I'm going to focus on the last words I heard him say...."Take care of Kate". That's what I'm going to do. I owe it to him and his memory. 

Missing

 I spent the last two weekends with grandsons. The first with Parker and last weekend with David and JD. They make me laugh and I know they would have made Dwight laugh too. They way Parker says Buffalo River. The way David loves his eggs and all things tractor related. Little JD just loves to be held and rocked. It's strange how you can hold him to the sun and catch blond in his hair. There's no genetic reason for this. Beth's hair is a deep brown, auburn and Jody's is dark brown. I like to think Dwight touched him in some way. I miss him. I miss watching him with his boys.