Report card

 No I'm technically not in school but I'm learning this thing called life. Two years ago, I found out my husband's cancer was back. A lot has changed since then. I've learned a lot about grief. The biggest being that grief is the price you pay for love. Every one handles it differently and there's no wrong way.  There will be days you could drown in your own tears. Lean into it. Cry if you need to. It doesn't mean you're weak. It means you're hurting. It doesn't mean you're not healing.  It's a process and like every damn process it takes time. I'm learning to take care of myself and love the old lady I've become.  I can't bring myself to date and that's ok. I have my grandchildren and my precious fur babies and I'm happy. I thought I might be getting lonely but I'm not. I'm just missing Dwight.  He was one heck of a man and an even better friend. 

A JD hug

 Back in August, our family celebrated JD's first birthday and I marveled at the hug he gave his great grandpa. In reality it's his great grandpa by marriage but a heart and especially a child's heart doesn't know the difference between blood lines and family ties. He grabbed his grandpa around the neck and melted into him. I loved watching this and feeling special because you can't force a child to love like that. Later JD'S Aunt LoLo also commented on her special hug from JD. I think it was his way of trying to convince her that he needs more cousins. I know she's giving it some thought and that never would have happened a couple of years ago. This morning around six I heard JD stirring in his crib and I went to check on him. He was awake and wanted out of his crib. I obliged and picked him up then the hug happened.  He wrapped his hands around my neck and melted into me. We stayed that way for a couple of minutes. Long enough for his heart to hear mine say that I love him and I think it was long enough for mine to hear him say that he loved me too.

And she's one

 Technically my grand daughter turned one yesterday,  but the words just wouldn't come to me. My relationship with my precious princess is hard to put into words. I prayed for a grand daughter for a long time. When her mother told my husband she was expecting a little girl, he sobbed.  A real hard cry. I don't know if he was truly happy or if he knew he would never physically meet her. I knew him for seventeen years and that was the only time I saw him cry. Not at funerals.  Not when I told him his oldest son had passed. Not when the doctor said stage four. He knew what having a grand daughter was like so I think it was tears of joy for me. She's something else. She's not really saying words yet but she pulls up all the time. She's not shy about letting you know when she wants down and even more vocal about who's allowed to hold her. She smiles when I feed her as if to say finally here comes Granny with the good stuff. She can't say the words I love you but her eyes say it for her and this Granny returns it ten fold. Pruitt someday I hope you read this and know that your Granny (and Poppy) have always loved you.

Balloon Fiesta 2025

.   I went to the Balloon Fiesta in Albuquerque,  NM. I drove/rode in a Ford van equipped with beds, a kitchen, and portable potty. We reported for crew duty at 4:30 every morning. My friend Crystal went up in a balloon first and I really wondered if I had the nerve to go up. Turns out I did. It felt a little closer to heaven.

Heaven shining on the balloons 

Home

 I love to travel to see new places and revisit beautiful sites. Every visit with my children is special and I enjoy the grandchildren immensely. As much as I enjoy going, I'm lucky enough to enjoy returning. There's no place like home. When I pass the Newton County sign, life feels different.  It doesn't matter if I take Hwy 65 or Arkansas 7 those roads that branch off could tell stories if they could talk. Every mile a memory of some sort. Then when I walk in the door, I'm covered in slobbery dog kisses. With all the tail wagging, it's amazing no one has become air born.  The horses acknowledge my return and hope for an extra feeding. Not to be outdone, the roosters will let out a crow or two. Sometimes I sink into my recliner and other times I make my way to the front porch to look out at the sky and smell the air. Regardless where I sit, I thank God for allowing me to return.

And he sleeps

 My grandson David is spending the weekend with me. Last night he refused to go to bed so he fell asleep by the aquarium and I slept in my recliner. It was peaceful and he woke up at five am an hour ahead of my alarm. No biggie. I fed all the animals in the dark and we headed to town. David kept commenting on how dark it was. No street lights in the country and not a lot of people out at six am on a Sunday morning.  We hit the donut shop and went to where the balloons were supposed to land. I think we waited 5 minutes until we saw the first of around 20 hot air balloons.  He was so excited and loved it. I told him that I would ride one in a couple of weeks and he wants to ride one too. We rode the buggy. Played outside.  Ate carmel apples. Watched a show in the middle of the day, but David was not having a nap today. He finally went to sleep around 7:30 and I've watched him sleep for the longest time. He looks like an angel and his heart is full of so much love.  I pray that he'll remember good things about me. More than chocolate gravy or donuts or kolaches. I wish he could stay little forever but the world needs good men and I know he's one.

Taking it Easy

 The best part of retirement? No damn schedule.  I work as hard as I can most days. Every once in a while, I'll get a call. Are you busy? Yes always. Want to go to the beach? Yes always. So I'm off for another adventure and I make no apologies.  I need to talk to my friend the sea.